White's chocolate
by MillaMayhem
Summary: White wants his chocolate...
1. Tease

A/N- Hey I had a nightmare last night and so I decided to turn it into a story lol

Review please!

p.s Elliot is divorced.

Olivia's week had been good.

Her and Elliot's case load was little.

It seemed as though the city had cleaned itself up a bit.

Olivia jumped into the shower.

As the hot water pounded against her chest she couldn't help but wish Elliot was in there with her.

Over the past few months they'd grown closer.

They were always more than partners but now they were even _more_ than that.

She turned off the water and wrapped a towel around herself before hearing a knock at the door.

She practically sprinted to the door, towel still wrapped tightly around her body.

"Hey Liv'" Elliot chirped, cup of coffee in hand.

"Hey El'. Just give me a minute to get changed." I said as I ran back into my room frantically trying to hold my towel up.

He chuckled as he followed me too my room to wait at the door.

"What are you laughing about?"

"Your acting like such a teenager."

"How?" I said as I slid my panties and bra on.

"Lets see…You just ran past me in your towel as though I cared if I saw you naked. Liv' I have 3 teenage daughters it's not like I haven't seen it all before, acting like I haven't is just childish." He chuckled.

"You shouldn't have said that El'. I smiled as I slowly opened my bedroom door.

"Liv'…" He said as his mouth dropped about 10 feet.

"Now you see El' I don't look like a teenager now do I?" I gave a sly smile as I slowly moved towards him.

"No…definitely not…" He panted as I trailed my hands up and down hi chest.

He moved his hands onto my waist and pulled me closer.

I could feel his erection through my panties so I moved my hands down to caress it.

He let a slight moan slip at my gentle touch.

As he moved his hands up my back and onto my bra strap I moved my head to his neck and whispered in his ear…

"Hey El'…"

"Yeh?" he panted just as he was about to unclasp my bra.

"Gotcha!" I whispered as my smile grew wider.

I leaned back and away from his embrace while he stood trying to comprehend what just happened.

He was dumbfounded.

I pranced back to my room to put the rest of my clothes on.

"You know Liv', you shouldn't tease people like that." He said as he leant against my bedroom door.

"What do you care Stabler? You know I'll make it up too you." I walked out of my room dressed and ready for work, Elliot still pouting.

"So when are you going to make this up to me?" He whispered as he pulled me closer.

"How about now?" I moved my lips closer to his.

"I think we can do know…"

_Beep beep beep beep_

"That's Cragen we'd better go"

I gave him 1 final kiss before heading to his sedan.

"Where the hell have you 2 been!" Cragen bellowed.

"So…"I went to say before he cut me off.

"Sorry just doesn't cut it Liv', I thought you'd been hurt."

"But cap why would you think that?"

"Because White's out of prison…"

A/N- Bahahaha lol


	2. Sick

**A/N- Sorry about the layout of the first chapter **** I'll try and fix it this time k ****.**

**So yeh I hope you's like the first chapter now for the second.**

**p.s if anyone has any ideas I'd love to hear them **

"Whi…whites out?" I stuttered, barely able to stop the tears from falling.

Elliot moved in behind me placing his hands on my shoulders, slightly pulling me closer to his chest.

"What do we do now?" Elliot said as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"There's not much we can do but wait and try to find him." Cragen choked.

I wriggled my way free from Elliot's grasp and left Cragens office.

Everyone was staring at me, they all knew.

They all knew White was after me… They all knew what he was going to do to me if he caught me,

I knew too.

To be honest I was…scared.

…

Elliot caught a glare from Cragen.

He ran down the hall and out onto the street to find Olivia already sitting in the passenger seat of his car.

She looked at him.

It was only a slight glance but he could see the fear in her eyes and it scared him.

Olivia was the strongest person he knew but this…this scared her.

He couldn't blame her.

He got into the drivers seat and put the keys into ignition.

About 10 minutes later Elliot broke the silence.

"Liv' you know you can come stay with me…"

She didn't reply.

"Olivia please…"

She looked at him with tear stained cheeks.

"Are you sure El' I…I mean I don't want to impose."

Elliot found himself laughing at her remark.

"Olivia of course you can stay. I live in the apartment all by myself I'd like the company."

Olivia smiled at him.

"O.k. that…that'd be great. Just drop me off at my place so I can get my stuff."

Elliot nodded before turning the corner to Olivia's apartment.

…

As Olivia stepped out of the car Elliot ran down the street for some coffee.

"I'll meet you back at the car Liv'." Elliot called.

Olivia waved him off and walked up the stairs to her apartment.

Her key made a nice "click" sound inside her door before she pushed it open.

"Fuck!" She growled.

She ran to her window to close it.

It was freezing.

She didn't even remember leaving it open.

She walked into her room and began shoving clothes into her duffel bag.

She was about to grab some underwear from her bedside draws when she noticed a red envelope sitting under her bedside lamp.

She dropped all the clothes that were in her hands and tensed all her muscles.

She unsteadily stood up and walked towards the envelope.

Upon picking it up with a shaky grasp she saw that it read:

Olivia.

In black pen on the front.

She quivered while she tore the message from inside.

_Olivia,_

_Elliot's right you are a tease._

_I was watching you this morning and I think you put on quite a show for him._

_I know you'll put on a better one for me now won't you darling?_

_I got so hard just watching you._

_I imagined that I was him._

_With your hands trailing over my body and your mouth…_

Olivia couldn't read anymore.

She ran to the bathroom and violently threw up.

When she was done she called Elliot and Cragen.

Soon the house would be swarming with cops.

…

Olivia stood outside in the corridor watching CSU sweep her house among with her colleagues.

All of a sudden she hears someone say:

"Who threw up?"

She quivers again just thinking about it.

She tenses as she feels a large hand on her shoulder but then relaxes when she feels Elliot's soft lips on her cheek.

Eventually the kiss turns into a tight embrace.

"I'm so sorry Liv'." Elliot mumbles into her hair.

She wipes some stray tears from her cheeks before replying:

"Have you read it?"

His breathing stops for a few seconds.

"Yes."

"What did it say?"

He pulls her to face him.

"Haven't you read it?"

"Not all of it I…I felt sick."

She stands waiting for a reply but instead gets pulled into his embrace again.

"That bad huh?" She chuckles.

He doesn't say a word.

…

Cragen sits at his desk.

Alone.

Well in this room.

The note to Olivia sits on his desk.

He feels physically sick that someone could say those things to his little girl.

He's glad Olivia stopped reading it.


	3. Predator

I watched the police search Olivia's house.

They were good… But not good enough.

They wouldn't find prints.

They wouldn't find DNA.

No… I was too careful for that.

Her beauty may have clouded my mind but I wasn't stupid.

…

I followed her to Elliot's apartment.

This was a slight chink in my chain.

Now it would be harder to get her alone.

I sighed.

Although I do like a challenge.

Maybe he could watch?

I smiled at the thought.

I could watch all the small emotions on his face as she screamed in ecstasy from my touch, as she moaned my name, as she bled on to the floor.

Yes… beautiful.

Just thinking about everything I could do to her made the bulge in my pants unbearable.

Her little morning show was almost enough to drive me over the edge.

I could imagine that it was me.

She'd love that.

Her soft delicate lips against my own.

Her warm flesh against me.

Her… I shuddered.

I'd waited so long.

I don't think I can wait any longer

I could go in there right now.

They'd never see it coming.

He'd be so shocked to find out in his own apartment that she loves me too.

The moment seemed perfect.

I felt under my seat for the knife.

Its sharp blade could pierce her soft flesh easily.

I watched Elliot close the drapes to the window.

"Damn." I muttered.

I think I'll wait, make her play my game.

I'll win.


	4. Flowers

"Elliot I'm sorry that I'm invading your house."

Olivia had never spent the night at Elliot's.

He'd only ever stayed at hers once or twice.

On the few rare occasions that they'd made love it'd been at Olivia's and he hadn't stayed the night.

At first she'd hated him for it but then understood.

For once they'd get to spend the whole night together.

If only it could be under better circumstances…

"Of course Liv' and besides I don't want you by yourself."

"I know El' but I could have stayed in the cribs."

"Perhaps so but then I'd be without you."

He came to Olivia and wrapped his arms around her embracing her tightly while laying soft kisses on her neck.

His large hands moved themselves to Olivia's shoulders and began to pull the sleeve's of her T-shirt down her arms.

Olivia pulled her head away from his kisses.

"Elliot…" she whispered.

He didn't hear her and proceeded to lay trails of kisses after his hands.

When he kissed the top of her breast she began to shake.

"Elliot…" She whimpered.

This time he heard her and instantly pulled his hands away and stood back.

"I'm so sorry Liv' I…I didn't mean to…I'm sorry." He said in a panicky voice.

"I…It's my fault don't worry El'." Said Olivia as she calmed her shaking.

Elliot reached to touch her hand but she flinched away.

He looked hurt but at the same time sorry and scared.

"Liv' you know I would never…"

"yeah I…I know El' it's just he's all I can think about."

All Elliot wanted to do was to hold her, kiss her, make love to her and prove to her that he would never hurt her.

But for now he just had to wait until she was ready for contact again.

…

That night Olivia slept on the couch.

Elliot was a little peeved that she wouldn't sleep with him but understood why.

When Elliot read White's note he felt sick.

Just thinking of the things he wanted to do to Olivia made him want to kill him.

He loved Olivia.

Nothing would change that.

He'd die before he let White touch her.

As he rolled over in his bed he could hear Olivia's soft breathing.

How could someone want to hurt something that beautiful?

…

Olivia awoke to the smell of bacon and the sun streaming through the open drapes.

She groaned and rolled over before feeling a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Good morning baby." Elliot whispered.

Olivia smiled sleepily and wiped her eyes.

"I smell breakfast."

"yeah. Come eat cos' we gotta' go to work."

Olivia groaned before letting Elliot grab her by the hand so he could drag her to the table.

…

The entire precinct went silent when Olivia walked in.

They'd all searched her apartment and all found nothing.

They'd all read the letter and all felt sick but she still couldn't shake the shy, timid feeling that she got when they'd looked at her.

Elliot put a comforting hand on her shoulder and kissed her on the cheek as she sat down.

God she loved him.

She loved his muscles, his eyes, his breaths, his protective nature. Really she loved everything about him.

When they told everyone that they were dating everyone had just laughed and said it was too obvious.

It was great that they were all so supportive.

Olivia was snapped out of her peaceful thoughts by someone yelling her name.

She saw Alex running towards her.

Alex almost knocked her out of her chair when she hugged her.

"I heard. Are you o.k.? I'm sorry Liv'. We have everyone looking for this son of a bitch."

Olivia had never heard Alex use words like that.

In fact no-one had.

"I…I'm fine Lex' I'm staying with Elliot."

Alex gave her one last tight squeeze before releasing her.

Olivia looked at the usually calm demeanour of the ADA and realised that Alex was really worried about her.

Alex climbed off Olivia's lap and straightened her skirt then fixed her hair.

She stood tall as though she had no idea why everyone was staring at her.

Her ice princess façade was back.

Olivia smiled at her.

From the moment they'd met they'd hit it off.

Now they were best friends.

Olivia was the only one Alex removed her façade for.

They had a strong relationship.

It was great.

Eventually everyone stopped staring at Alex and got back to work.

Soon everybody was doing their own thing.

…

Olivia looked up to see a timid teenage girl standing in the doorway of the precinct.

She took a quick look around to see if anyone was helping her.

Upon realising that no one was she stood up and walked towards her.

"Hi I'm Olivia. What's your name?"

The girl had long blonde hair like Alex's and hazel eyes.

"I'm Lily. My dads girlfriend said that if I came here she'd take me home."

I was just about to ask her who said this but then I heard Alex's voice from Cragen's office.

"Hey Lil' ready to go home now?"

"Yeah. Thanks Alex."

I looked at Alex oddly.

"Since when did you have a boyfriend?"

"For about a month."

"And you didn't tell me why?"

Alex smiled at me.

"I don't know it just never came up."

I looked at her suspiciously.

"O.k. then but we're gonna' talk about this soon." I laughed.

"Sure Liv'. I'm gonna' take Lily home now. See ya' tomorrow."

I waved her off before turning back to my desk.

…

Everyone worked late that night.

We were all trying to find White.

Cragen wanted Olivia on desk duty but she refused.

She was sure that soon it would be an order.

"Ummm… Is there an Olivia Benson here?"

Olivia looked up to see a boy holding flowers.

"Uh yeah that's me."

The boy gave her the flowers and walked out.

"El' why didn't you just give them too me in person?" Olivia smiled.

Elliot's face went pale and everyone started staring at them.

"Liv' they're not from me."

**A/N—Bahahahaha lol**


	5. From lion to lamb

I gulped...Hard.

"They…They're not from you?"

Elliot shook his head before trying to grab the flowers from me.

"No!" I shouted.

His hand quickly snapped back as everyone stared at me.

I tore the flowers apart looking for White's note.

When I didn't see one I threw the flowers on the floor and started screaming at the top of my lungs.

No one said a word.

Elliot tried to pull me into embrace so that I'd stop but I pushed him away and kept screaming.

Eventually I fell to the floor in shaky sobs.

Every so often I let out another scream.

I was so scared.

Elliot knew better than to come near me again.

All they could do was stare at me.

I wasn't in any position to stop them.

I didn't care anymore.

Eventually Cragen was game enough to approach me.

He dared to wrap his arms around me.

He pulled me close to his chest.

I just kept sobbing but the screaming had stopped.

Cragen helped me up and ushered me towards his office.

He shut the door behind him and let me sit on his fold out bed.

I couldn't stop shaking.

"Olivia?" he whispered.

I didn't move a muscle.

"You can't do this anymore. I'm taking you off the case. All of your cases."

I didn't object.

…

That night I didn't feel comfortable going home with Elliot so I made them leave me in the cribs for the night.

I sat on the cold hard bed too scared to sleep.

I jumped at the slightest noise.

How could I have turned so quickly from a lion to a lamb?

I didn't even know who I was anymore…

I jumped upon hearing footsteps outside.

Thinking that I was just imagining it I curled into a tighter ball.

When I heard it the second time I grabbed my gun and stood up.

I walked towards the crib door and looked through the window.

My hands were sweaty from holding the gun so tight.

I pushed the door open quietly and peered into the darkness.

I heard the footsteps again.

I came out from behind the wall.

"Put your hands on your head and your face to the wall!" I screamed.

They didn't budge.

"I said put your hands on your head!" This time it was a little softer.

This time they did as I said.

I walked closer to them slowly but then stopped in my tracks as they began to speak.

"Hello Olivia."

It was really him.

"Wh…whi…"

"Yes Olivia dearest it's me your one and only. Surprised to see me? No never you're always expecting me now. It wasn't very nice of you to throw my flowers on the ground. Although your screams were pure ecstasy to my ears."

I quivered.

"Oh and how's darling Alex? I heard she has a boyfriend now. Too bad. I think she might have iked to play too."

"This isn't a game White." I choked.

"Hrmmm perhaps you're right but if it is I'm winning."

I could feel his smile without seeing it.

"How so?"

"Allow me to demonstrate…"

He started to walk away.

"Stay where you are!" I shouted.

"What are you gonna do? Shoot me?"

"Yes."

He kept walking.

"Go on." He called.

I put my finger on the trigger and aimed for his head.

To my surprise I couldn't do it.

Stunned I just stood there.

"I told you I'm winning." He called before disappearing down the stairs.


	6. Ecstasy

I went to the precinct to leave her a note but after our conversation there was no need.

I made my point.

I was winning.

That's all I wanted her to know…right now.

I knew she wouldn't pull the trigger.

Do you know why?

Because she loves me.

She has since the day we met.

With each passing year that I was gone our love strengthened.

It's sad what she's doing to Elliot I mean the poor guy will be devastated when she picks me over him.

I mean no one deserves that.

But I guess that's part of the reason I love her.

She likes to play games with people even if she doesn't realise it.

Little do the others know that they're all part of my game now.

All part of my love game with Olivia.

My sweet, sweet Olivia…

…

I shuddered as I stroked the bulge in my pants while I remembered the day Olivia and I were in the interrogation room after I met her at the park.

Too bad her cop buddy's had to tear us apart.

It would have been a great day for both of us.

I kept stroking the hard bulge as I remembered how scared she'd looked when I knew all about her and her mother.

That was just foreplay for us.

Her pretending to be scared of me when really she wants it just as much as I do.

I kept stroking until I had my release.

I shuddered and spazmed in ecstasy.

Soon I'll make her feel as good as I do when I think about her.

She'll remember the day that we first make love for the rest of her life.

After we do she'll want to be with me forever.

Too bad I'm going to kill her.


	7. Release

**A/N—Caution mature themes here.**

I stood in the dark for a while after he left.

Kicking myself inside for not being able to shoot him when I had the chance.

Why couldn't I just pull the trigger?

I've shot people before. Hell I've even killed people with my gun before.

How was this different?

He was just another bastard perp that gets his rocks off by raping.

I was what made him different…

…

Eventually I called Cragen and Elliot.

In less than an hour the place was swarming with cops again.

I told them everything that happened as they watched the security tapes.

They had nothing on him.

They couldn't see his face in any of the shots.

…

I was in the locker room getting my stuff to go home when Elliot came up behind me.

"Can I hug you or are you going to hit me or something?"

I turned to him and smiled.

"I'm sorry El' I suck at controlling my emotions especially when I'm scared just like you with your anger…no offence."

"None taken. So is that a yes."

I leaned into him and let him kiss my head and stroke my hair.

I let him put his hands on my hips and rock my body with his.

As he did all this I breathed in his scent.

I'd always loved the way he smelled like coffee.

"Liv'?"

"Yeah El'."

"Why didn't you shoot him?"

He seemed to think that I was going to pull away offended but I knew it was coming.

"I…I don't know I couldn't."

He kissed my head again.

"We'll get him baby."

I loved the way that even when he knew what he was saying might not be true he'd still be able to make me believe him.

…

I lifted my head so our lips could meet.

He seemed to resist me as though trying not to scare me again.

I put my hands reassuringly on his butt.

This gave him his ammunition to continue.

His tongue probed inside my mouth softly.

I returned the favour.

I moved my hands to his chest and traced my fingers over his shirt feeling his muscles.

Even if all I could think about was White I owed this to Elliot he'd been so patient with me right from the beginning.

I felt so safe with him, I knew he'd never hurt me.

He deserved this and I was prepared to give it to him.

My fingers slowly worked the buttons on his shirt.

Slowly, easily each button came free from its hole to bare his masculine chest.

I traced my fingers over the bare skin as he removed the rest of his shirt himself.

He panted with delight at even the slightest of my touches.

His hot breath moistened my neck as he laid soft kisses upon it while slowly pushing me back against the lockers.

I didn't resist him.

I wanted this too.

I wanted him to know I loved him more than ever right now.

For everything he'd done for me.

His large hands fondled my breasts through my shirt.

My breathing got heavier as he pushed me into the lockers harder so that I could feel his erection through both our jeans.

Elliot was always reasonably rough during sex.

Not like a rape re-enactment.

God no!

He was just a stronger guy and when he was aroused he found it hard to contain himself.

He told me this before we made love for first time.

He was so afraid of hurting me.

I just laughed at him and said that he could never hurt me.

After the first time he realised my strength and no longer held back.

I moved my hands to lift up my shirt so that I was in my black lace bra.

He grabbed my wrists and moved my hands back to his hips before he lifted my shirt himself.

His strong hands moved slowly up my hips after he threw my shirt to the floor near his.

They worked their way back up to my breasts and then caressed them and laid soft kisses on their light olive skin.

Every time he started to do something different he looked at my eyes to see if I was scared.

He was so considerate.

Not once did I wince, flinch or pull away from him.

I encouraged him with kisses, nibbles and playful touches.

His manhood was placed squarely between my thighs now.

It felt better than I'd imagined it would right now.

I lifted his chin up and kissed him passionately before moving my hands to his belt buckle.

He felt what I was doing and leaned into me.

His fingers traced mine all the while helping me to undo the buttons and buckles.

When all of his buckle and jeans were undone I placed my hands on his shaft and moved them slowly up and down while he gasped trying not to be too loud.

We'd never done it at work before.

We were terrified that someone would walk in but at the same time that made it more fun.

Eventually he pulled my hands away

I could see the lust for me in his eyes.

I gave him a sly smile.

I'd pushed him over the edge.

I knew I drove him crazy.

He did the same to me.

He undid my jeans and I gasped as his hands traced over my underwear so that he could pull them down.

He looked into my eyes once more asking for permission.

I gave it to him.

He entered me quickly.

I series of hard, deep strokes followed.

We kissed passionately, our tongues probing one another.

With one final deep stroke he came.

His grip on me loosened and his kiss became softer.

"I love you Olivia." He said as he looked into my eyes.

"I love you too." I said as I reached in for one final soft kiss.

…

We slept in the cribs that night.

His strong arms wrapped around me protectively.

I've never felt safer.


	8. Sleepover

When I woke up that morning I rolled over and snuggled my face into Elliot's chest.

He was so warm, so _Elliot_…

"What time is it?" I whispered into him.

He groaned and looked around for his pants.

"It's 6:15. Why?"

"I have to get up."

"Why?" He said as he wrapped his strong arm around me and pulled me closer.

"I have cases to work on."

"No you don't. Stay with me."

I sighed and lifted my head to kiss him.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He murmured as he kissed me back.

"Hey get a room you guys!" Fin laughed.

Elliot stuck the finger up at him and kept kissing me.

"Fuck you too! Now get up. We have news about White."

With in no time Elliot was up, dressed and I was alone in the cribs.

…

"What'd you find? Where is he?"

It must have been big because Alex was already here.

"Liv' come here." Said Elliot as he wrapped his arms around me.

"What happened?"

"He broke into my apartment last night and took some things of yours." He whispered as he kissed my forehead.

Eventually he let me go and I looked at the photo's.

"How'd you know it was him?"

"He uh… Left his calling card on some clothing of yours." Cragen choked.

I cringed and walked towards the bathrooms.

…

"Liv' are you o.k.?"

"Alex?"

"Yeah it's just me…" Whispered Alex as she came into the bathroom.

"Yeah I… I'm ah….Fine just a little queasy."

"We'll get him Liv'. I swear to god he won't lay a hand on you."

"Thanks Lex'." I said as I put my arm around her.

"But until we get him I think that you should come stay with me."

"What about Elliot?"

"I'm sure he can live without you for a few days. Come on it'll be like a sleepover."

"Oh poor innocent Alex. Lets face it men have needs and well Elliot is one heck of a man…"

Alex and I burst out in a fit of laughter.

"Innocent? Me? Come on you know me better than that and besides I have a boyfriend too ya' know." Alex scoffed.

By the time Alex and I left the bathrooms the screens in the precinct had been cleared and everyone was busy trying to find White.

"Hey you o.k.?" Asked Elliot has he gave me a kiss.

"Yeah I…I'm fine El'."

"Hey Stabler think you can live without her for a few days?"

"Oh I'm not sure Alex I mean you're asking alot." Elliot smirked.

Alex punched him lightly on the shoulder.

"Oh I'm sure you'll live and besides I'll make it up to you." I said as I gave Elliot a sly smile and tugged on his tie.

…

"So Bridget Jones or Devil wears prada?"

"How about we just talk?" I smiled.

"Sounds good to me." Alex laughed as she sat opposite me on the couch.

"So tell me about this boyfriend of yours."

I could instantly see the blush creeping onto Alex's cheeks.

"Well… His name's Brent and he's so sweet and articulate and handsome and down to earth."

"Oh you know me better than that Lex'. What's the sex like?" I laughed.

"Tsk tsk Olivia… It's fantastic!"

I took one of the pillows from the couch and pulled it against my chest.

"That great huh? I'm glad you're happy Lex'."

"So spill the beans about Elliot already."

"What's there to tell that you don't already know? I mean you work with him as well. Outside of work he's almost the same. He opens up to me a lot but that's no surprise and we're still like best friends only more…you know?"

"Yeah I guess I understand. Hey do you want anything cos' I'm gonna' go to the bathroom then get something to eat?"

"Uh no I'm fine but thanks."

As Alex got up I couldn't help but think about Elliot and all the trouble I was causing him, I mean with White targeting me I was putting the rest of them in danger.

I don't know what I'd do if any of them got hurt.

Alex is my best friend, Elliot is the man I love, Cragen's like my father and Fin, Munch are like my brothers.

They all mean so much to me and yet I'm letting them all put their lives on the line for me.

I was shaken from my thoughts by the sound of glass breaking.

Then all the lights went out.

"Alex!"

No answer.

"Alex baby where are you!"

I slowly felt my way through the house until I got to the bathroom.

"Alex…?"

When I pushed the door to the bathroom open I couldn't see a thing.

Then a shadowy figure on the floor.

"Al…"

Then nothing.


	9. Taken

_**Elliot's P.O.V**_

"Where's Olivia!"

I can't believe I let her stay with Alex. That was so stupid of me!

"Elliot calm down we'll find her."

"Fin I need more than your word!"

"Well that's all we can give you right now Elliot." Assured Cragen.

I took a few deep breaths.

They were right.

"Walk me through the crime scene."

A neighbour had called the police when she heard glass breaking.

The police who answered the call saw pictures of Alex so they rang us.

Now we were all in Alex's apartment and Alex was at mercy.

My blood boiled at the sight of the bathroom.

"O.k so the perp came in through the window after he cut the lights. He then chloroformed Alex. When she dropped to the floor she hit her head pretty hard. We don't think he raped her. He probably wouldn't have enough time. When the lights got cut Liv' must have gone looking for Alex cos' there's a second pool of blood and we think it's Olivia's but we're hoping it's the perps."

"You say perp like it's not White but we both know that he's the one who took Olivia. I swear to fucking god if I seem him I'll fucking kill him!"

"Elliot calm down! You're not helping anyone like this. Go down to mercy and check on Alex and that's an order."

…

_**Alex's P.O.V**_

My head was killing me.

I rolled over in my bed.

But it wasn't my bed, I don't remember going to bed I…I went to the bathroom and then the…the lights went out a…and then nothing.

"Olivia!"

"Alex calm down. You're in mercy."

"Elliot?" I whispered.

"Do you remember what happened?"

"I…I yes. We were talking about…stuff and I asked her if she wanted anything cos' I was gonna' go get some food after I went to the bathroom. I got up and I went to the bathroom and then when I was about to open the door the lights went out and I was gonna' call the electric company but then he…he broke through the window…"

"Alex who? Who broke the window?"

"Whi…White it was White and I was about to scream but then he chloroformed me and then I woke up here… oh my god… he didn't did he?"

"No he didn't touch you Alex. He did give you a concussion and took Olivia though."

"Oh my god Elliot I'm so sorry I was meant to protect her."

When I started crying Elliot hugged me and then left to say that he was going to find Olivia.

God help her.


	10. Break

I snatched her last night.

She was with that bitch Alex.

Silly Elliot he should never have left her alone.

Oh well she'll be much happier with me, she can be my little toy for a while.

At least now I have her gun that might come in handy although I've always preferred the intimacy of knives…

I love the way their blood drips to the floor when I press hard enough, how they scream when I thrust it inside of them and then the way they fall to the ground.

Olivia isn't like the others, she's not as easily broken but I'll break her even if it's the last thing I do.

I know what buttons to press.

Like her mother for example or her father, even the Stabler kids can be used against her.

The truth is Olivia really does want this, she wants me not the bumbling idiot Elliot Stabler.

She wants a real man to touch her, to press her buttons.

That's what they all want.

A man gives them what they want and they cry rape.

Really it's all a big game for them just like the chase is for me.

Olivia was by far my biggest success and she'll be my biggest challenge but with big challenges comes big rewards.

Yes… big rewards…


	11. Chestnut locks

_**Olivia's P.O.V**_

I'd been drifting in and out of consciousness for a while now but I couldn't bring myself to stay awake.

My head lolled from side to side uneasily and my ankle burnt from the rope.

I was lying on a dirty mattress in the middle of a cement room.

A dim light brightened the room and through the tears I could see a figure enter the room.

It was White.

"Let me go before this go's to far and someone gets hurt." I groaned.

I was still woozy and half asleep but I was sure I could take him out if I needed to…really I think I'm just saying that so that I don't feel as weak.

"Please Olivia darling no-one will be getting hurt just yet. You know you want this so just relax." White cooed as he stroked my cheek.

I pulled my head away uneasily as his calloused hand traced through my hair.

"You don't need to be afraid of me Olivia. I love you."

"Elliot loves me!" I screamed as I spat in his face.

He angrily wiped his face and sat on my stomach.

I was still woozy but a little less tired.

I was angry.

"Get off me!"

"Come now Olivia I haven't even touched you yet." He cooed as he produced a pair of scissors.

I screamed at the top of my lungs and tried to hit him but I was unsuccessful .

He grabbed me by the hair and I pulled away with all my might.

"Stop fucking squirming bitch or I'll fucking stab you!"

He cut some of my hair before shoving my head back.

When he got off me I tried to stand but the sudden movement combined with the effects of the drug made me fall back.

I hit my head against the wall before watching him walk away.

_**Elliot's P.O.V**_

_12 hours later…_

"Elliot! My office."

I'd been up ever since Olivia was taken.

I couldn't sleep without her.

I'd been running through White's file over and over again just trying to get something…anything to help me find her.

All I could think about was what he was doing to her…

"Yes captain."

"I just got a package. It's from White."

"Where's Olivia?"

"We don't know but you might want to look inside the envelope."

I snatched the envelope from Cragen's desk and peeked inside.

"Is it Olivia's?" I choked.

Inside was a small lock of chestnut hair.

I couldn't remember how many times I'd traced my fingers through her beautiful tresses, how many times I'd nuzzled my head into her neck and smelt its sweet scent.

"We believe so."

I threw the envelope on his desk and stormed out.

I had to find Olivia.


	12. Elliot

_**Olivia's P.O.V**_

_3 days later…_

It'd been ages since I'd seen White.

I hadn't eaten in what seemed like forever.

Every time I fall asleep I'm terrified of waking up with him on top of me.

I'd been drinking out of a tap located in one of the room corners.

My head had a bruise from when I'd hit the wall and after further inspection I'd realised that I had a small cut on my shoulder.

At least I still had all my clothes.

Although White had taken my gun and the contents of my pockets.

I had nothing…nothing to tell Elliot that I was o.k.

I don't know what he's waiting for.

Why hasn't he raped me yet?

He had the perfect opportunity I mean the other day I was tired and drugged up.

The steel chain around my ankle had made it bleed and parts of the mattress and my pants were stained with blood.

I couldn't even reach the door.

The chain was only about two or three metre's.

He was still playing his stupid little game.

I was worried about Alex.

Last time I'd seen her she was laying on the floor.

I'd put all of them in danger and someone actually got hurt.

It was all my fault.

Elliot…Oh Elliot god I love him.

He's probably been up since the moment I went missing.

…

I was shaken from my thoughts by White entering the room.

"White whatever you want if you give me a phone the squad can help you."

"Ha! Taken, drugged, chained to a wall and starving and she still thinks like a cop."

White threw me a bag of apples.

"Eat. You'll need your strength."

I threw the bag over by the wall and squished further against the wall.

"I sent that lock of your beautiful hair to Elliot." White said as he leered closer to me.

"Get away from me." I whispered.

He leaned over me and ran his fingers through my hair.

"Elliot used to do this didn't he? He used to run his fingers through it when you were lying in bed together."

"Get away from me!"

"Shut up bitch!" He screamed as he slapped me across the face. Hard.

I winced in pain as my cheek began burning.

White sighed and lifted my head to face him.

"See now that's what will happen if you're not a good little girl."

"I will never be your little girl." I sneered.

White roughly let go of my face and stood up before walking out the door.

"We'll see…We'll see…"


	13. Snatched

**Elliot's P.O.V**

_1 day later…_

Olivia had been missing for 5 days and still nothing.

No leads and no White.

I couldn't imagine what she was going through.

The things he must be doing to her…to my beautiful girl…

I slammed my fist against the desk.

I had to call Kathy and cancel my weekend with the kids because I just couldn't handle the stress of them and the case.

Fin rushed into the precinct and tapped me on the shoulder.

"Let's go. A girls been snatched."

"Right behind you."

…

"15 year old Ernessa Myree Campbell. Missing just over 12 hours."

"Nobody ,not one person has seen her since 10:00pm last night."

"Where was a 15 year old girl at 10:00pm?"

"Ballet practice. She was meant to walk the 5 blocks home as usual but she never made it home." Melinda shook her head sadly before walking off.

"Fin why'd you call me in couldn't you have handled it."

Fin took a deep breath.

"We think White took her."

I gulped as the blood ran cold in my body.

What did White want with a 15 year old girl?

Had he already raped her?

Had he raped Olivia?

Had he killed either of them?

I shook my head.

No.

He wants us to play his game so I'll play it.

I'll win.

Before someone gets hurt.


	14. Little girl

**Disclaimer: I don't own Olivia, White or Elliot but I do own Ernessa**

**Summary: So White snatched a 15 y/o ballet student named Ernessa.**

**What does he plan to do with her?**

**WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS GRAPHIC RAPE**

…

**Chapter fourteen:**

**Little girl.**

…

_Olivia's P.O.V_

_17 hours later…_

I jumped at the sound of metal scraping across the floor.

"Wakey wakey Olivia darling." White shouted as he dragged a large burlap sack across the floor.

I shook my head to clear my hazey mind form sleep mode and became on full alert.

"I brought you a friend." White chuckled as he shook a limp body from the sack.

I scuttled towards her on my knees as the chain untangled itself and followed quickly behind me.

The girl was only a teenager!

Her blood red lips looked so dark against her pale lily skin as did her jet black hair.

I rest her head on my lap as I stroked the hair from her forehead.

She was beautiful, young and looked as though she was dying.

But I knew better.

As White stood staring at the scene before him the girl began rouse from her unconsciousness.

When her deep brown eyes fluttered open she jumped up and tried to run for the door but White grabbed her waist and slammed her against the wall.

The girl spluttered and small drops of blood came from her mouth and splattered onto the cement as she sank to the floor.

I tried to run to her but my chain wasn't long enough and I stupidly fell over.

White just laughed and pulled me up by my hair.

"You just don't get it do you Olivia? You're a prisoner just like her. You're not a cop anymore baby doll."

White threw me on the mattress and walked over as I tried to crouch myself into the wall.

White crouched next to me and ran his hand over my cheek before ripping open my shirt and viciously caressing my breasts.

I struggled beneath him as small whimpers escaped my mouth.

I screamed as he tore open my bra and threw it over near the small shivering girl.

"GET OFF ME!" I screamed as White sat on my stomach.

"Tell me you want me…" White grunted as he held my wrists together and felt my breast with the other.

"Never!" I spat.

White slapped me hard across the cheek.

"TELL ME YOU WANT ME!"

"NO!"

As the tears began to stream from my cheeks White ripped open my jeans and the buttons went flying.

I choked on the tears as I tried to object but White still didn't stop.

He tore the underwear from my body and scrunched it up before throwing it to his side.

I tried to kick him with my free leg but I missed and hit the wall.

As White began to unbutton his pants I thrashed around and screamed until my throat was dry and sore.

When he pulled his pants down he took my wrists again and pulled them down to my stomach before crushing them against my hips and placing his thumbs on the top of my pelvis.

"No…" I cried.

White stroked his penis around the outside of my folds as though teasing me.

"You know you want this Olivia. We both have for a long time."

"I WANT ELLIOT!" I screamed in his face.

White slapped me again before finally pushing inside of me.

At first I stared only at the cement roof, then at the sweat dripping from his forehead and lastly at the small shivering girl in the corner of the room.

Her large almond eyes clouded over with tears and fear.

White grunted above me and his thumbs caressed my hips.

He pushed deep inside of me tearing me away.

Each thrust more powerful than the last.

As he thrust inside me one last time and his hot liquids burst inside me and ran out of me I screamed one last scream.

White simply wiped his forehead before getting up and buttoning his jeans.

He left me there on the dirty mattress naked with a small girl watching me.

I didn't even have the strength to cry anymore.


	15. Tears are useless

**Disclaimer: Yeah not mine but we all wish they were**

**Summary: Last chapter scary enough?**

**Did it make you blush?**

**Feedback is good.**

…

**Chapter fifteen:**

**Tears are useless.**

…

_Olivia's P.O.V_

_An unknown amount of time later…_

I lay staring at the ceiling for what could have been weeks, days or hours but I didn't want to move.

Maybe if I died right here on this dirty mattress in this cement room I'd began to call my prison it would be as though none of this ever happened.

Elliot would move on and find someone else and the squad would find a new detective.

To me time didn't matter anymore.

Nothing mattered.

After lying there on that damp, mouldy sin covered mattress, after what happened however many hours before eventually I moved my right hand from the side of my stomach and felt the cold cement next to me as I looked for my shirt.

Upon realising that it wasn't there I just lay there.

Then as if by magic the thin blue material was placed in my hand.

I clenched my fist just to make sure that I wasn't going mad then realising that it was actually there for the first time since the rape I sat up.

As if robotically I slid my arms into the shirt and then did up the buttons.

I couldn't see my underwear anywhere so I figured White had taken it as some sick token of what he'd done to me.

It was then that I heard a small scuffling noise n the corner of the room.

I looked over and saw the girl.

Upon seeing her messy jet black hair and tear streaked face I instantly felt bad.

What had I done?

While I'd been selfish and indulged in my own need to sulk this poor girl had sat watching me.

She stared at me with her large almond eyes and for the first time since I'd been taken I smiled.

I smiled and said:

"Thankyou."

It seemed silly but I was thankful.

If I hadn't had my shirt I probably would have just lazed there until he came for me again.

The girl seemed to un tense but she still made no move toward me.

"You're welcome." The girl said in a strained whisper.

I tugged the shirt down too cover as much of myself as possible before moving as far as my chain would allow me to go.

"I'm Olivia." I smiled as I held out my hand.

The girl hesitated before leaping into my arms.

I held her close to me as she cried until eventually she let go of me and dried her tears.

"Ernessa…I…I'm Ernessa." She choked.

"That's a very beautiful name." I smiled.

Ernessa gave me one last hug before finally we both leaned against the wall in anticipation of what was to come.

…

_Elliot's P.O.V_

_The following night…_

I tossed and turned unable to sleep without Olivia next to me.

She'd been gone a week now and we had nothing to tell us where she was.

We discovered the missing girl was White's biological daughter.

Eliza Campbell had been raped 15 years before by White.

They'd been engaged but he'd started hitting her and then the night she planned to go to the police he raped her.

Upon realising she was pregnant Eliza figured it would be better for Ernessa if she didn't know about her father and how she was conceived.

That made me think of Olivia and her mother.

I missed her so much.

…

I walked into the precinct the following morning only to realise that everyone was staring at me.

"ELLIOT!"

I swiftly made my way to Cragen's office.

When I entered his office and shut the door I realised that Munch and Fin were already in there.

They were awkwardly staring everywhere but at me.

"Elliot there's something you need to see."

Cragen's eyes motioned to a package on his desk.

It had already been opened and I could tell by everyone's reaction that it was about Olivia.

I snatched up the parcel from his desk and stared at its contents.

I felt hot tears come to my eyes at the sight before me.

A pair of torn, semen covered black lacy underwear lay inside the parcel.

They were Olivia's.

They were the same ones she was wearing the night we'd first made love.

He'd raped her.

He'd raped her and it killed me.

I threw the parcel back on Cragen's desk and stormed out.

'I'll find you Olivia and he'll pay when I do.'.

That was the only thing running though my mind when I drove off into the night.


	16. Numb

_Whites next visit..._

"We'll get out of here Ernessa. I promise."

Those were the same words of comfort I'd been whispering to her as I held her close for hours now.

In this tiny room, locked away all we had was each other

Ernessa and I both jumped when we heard the metal door creak open.

I pushed Ernessa behind me and pulled my button up down to cover as much of me as possible.

White glowered at us at first but then he proceeded to laugh as he strode over to us.

I could feel Ernessa squeezing my shoulder.

When White reached us he leant down and looked into my eyes.

When he reached out and stroked my face I turned away feeling hot tears come to my eyes.

"What's the matter baby? Don't remember how good the other night was?"

I turned back to him with a vicious look on my face.

"I will NEVER be your baby." I sneered.

The smile was wiped off White's face as he grabbed me by my hair and threw me over to the mattress.

Ernessa scrambled after me but couldn't reach.

White turned back to her and grabbed her thin wrist near snapping it.

"GET BACK OVER THERE!" He barked.

Ernessa glared defiantly at him before spitting in his face.

White wiped it from his eye before twisting her arm around to her back so she couldn't move.

"Listen you little slut. You play by my rules now." White spat into her ear.

As White threw her over to the wall she let out a small cry of pain which seemed to please him.

It was then that he turned back to me and like a cowered I curled closer into the wall.

As he made his way over to me he began to undo his belt.

I clenched my eyes so tight hoping that he would just disappear but he didn't.

Then it hit me.

Quite literally.

His belt lashed against the soft skin of my back over and over again until the blood ran sticky down onto the back of my legs and the welts began to rise.

Each time I screamed out in pain, each time hating myself more for giving him what he wanted.

Soon I became numb to these kinds of punishments.

As he'd beat me I'd think of Elliot whispering sweet nothings into my ear and the pain would fade away.

"I love you baby." Repeating over and over in my head was now my only salvation, my only comfort...


	17. Clean slate

She's breaking.

Slowly but everyday a little more of her pride, strength and determination is broken down.

Soon she'll be nothing more than a clean slate that I can use against that bastard Elliot.

I'll make her despise of him, even hate him.

And I'll break him too.

As for my little girl she'll become the perfect daughter.

Never questioning.

Once she see's that Olivia's broken she'll break too.

They're both weak.

The other day I took photos of Olivia to send to her precious Elliot and she didn't move.

The welts on her back looked bloody and sore.

Elliot will love them.

I think she can play my wife for a little while.

Before I kill her.

Her blood will run over my hands soon enough and then I'll win.

Because really that's all I want is to win.


	18. Facade

_Elliot's P.O.V_

We're almost at the 2 month mark and still nothing.

Nothing but the package's he sends.

They haunt me you know.

He's hurting the woman I love and I can't do anything to stop him.

Everyone's been working furiously to try and get him.

Everyone wants her to be o.k.

Before this all happened everything was going so well.

We were going to move in together.

Start our life.

I love her.

More than anything.

Kathy knew that too.

When we got divorced she told me to be with Olivia.

That's why I loved Kathy, why I still love her.

It just became a different kind of love...

When I told her Olivia was missing she offered to come back to New York with the kids so that I could spend some time with them but I declined.

I didn't want them anywhere near White.

...

When I walked into the precinct the next morning Cragen called me into his office with the others.

They'd received another package.

All of us were afraid to open it.

After minutes of silence I grabbed the package as they all stared eagerly.

I opened it to see photo's.

Dozens of them.

All from different angles and spots.

They showed large, red, bloody welts on her back, legs, thighs and one right across her chest that went just over her left breast nipple.

Then one of her face.

I stared at the one of her face in horror.

It wasn't mutilated in any way but the person in the photo looked so sad, so vulnerable, so... lost.

We didn't find any prints on the photo's though.

Once again we were disappointed.

Olivia was all over the news.

"_Hero copped snatched!"_

Or...

"_NYPD's finest missing!"_

"_Where is New Yorks best detective?"_

Her face had graced the front page of every paper since her disappearance.

There was one photo in particular that I'd never known they'd taken.

I remembered the day perfectly.

It was about a week before White was out of prison.

We'd just lost a case where a 14 year old girl whom Olivia had grown especially close to was raped and halfway through the investigation murdered.

The picture was taken as we walked down the courthouse steps into the crowd of already waiting vultures.

In the large picture she was just about to put on her shades so that her face couldn't be seen but if you looked closely you could see my hand only millimetres from hers because I'd just released it after squeezing it with reassurance.

In the far right bottom corner there were two small pictures of her.

The first you could see the emotion of a hard day's work on her face and the shine of tears in her eyes but then in the second her facade was back and her eyes covered by her large shades.

That was the way Olivia worked.

Looking at that photo compared to the girl in the picture the differences where enormous.

I never thought I'd say this but...

She's breaking.


	19. Whimpers

_Olivia's P.O.V_

When I woke up from a night of fitful sleep I looked down to see blood stains on my mattress.

Some from the beatings and some from other things...

Ernessa suffered a few bruised arms and ribs but nothing serious.

He'd push her around but never come for her.

She was safe.

Well as safe as she could be here.

Every time White came for me I weakened.

I knew that soon I wouldn't have the strength to try and fight him off anymore.

He was winning.

Just like he'd said.

I watched as Ernessa slept in the corner, curled into a protective ball.

She was so young.

I don't even know why White picked her, he had me.

As I lay on that mattress thinking I didn't even hear him come in.

When he surprised me by lying down on the mattress next to me I jumped and tried to squirm away without waking Ernessa.

He just roughly pulled me back down and turned me on my side to face the wall as he moved closer to me.

He pressed his body against mine and when I felt his growing erection I shivered but dared not move.

I could feel his warm breath against the back of my neck and his fingertips pushing the hair from my face behind my ear.

"How are we feeling today Olivia?" He whispered in my ear as he caressed my forearm.

I didn't answer, I only continued to tremble as his hand moved onto my stomach and his fingers spread a little too close to my most private parts.

I tried to pull my shirt down a little further but he stopped me by putting his hand over mine and moving them back up to my stomach.

"Well? Answer me."

"Fine." Was all I said.

He pushed closer to me and I gulped before squeezing my eyes shut.

"I can make you feel better." He whispered huskily as he moved his hand back down my body.

I trembled more when he caressed me but I didn't make a sound.

As his fingers pushed deeper inside of me he began to kiss the back of my neck and run his other hand through my hair.

I just squeezed my eyes closed tighter and tighter trying to block out every sight, every sound and every feeling of what he was doing to me.

When I heard him undoing his zip I began to struggle but he firmly held me down.

Now I cried.

Almost silent.

I whimpered and sobbed as he held me down and pushed my face into the mattress to cover my cries.

"Come now Olivia. Stop pretending you don't love it." He laughed as he pulled down his jeans.

"No!" I screamed into a mouthful of mattress.

I knew my cries wouldn't do anything.

They'd only satisfy him more.

I kicked and flailed my arms about to try and stop him from entering me but I failed as he thrust himself inside of me and I collapsed onto the mattress once more.

With each thrust my face rubbed against the mattress harder further muffling my cries of pain.

As he thrust into me he leant down and kissed my neck.

Soon the kisses turned to nibbles and then to vicious bites.

As he tore into the soft skin of my neck enough to make it bleed I screamed out in pain and he had his release.

He lay on top of me for a while watching the blood run down my neck onto the mattress as it had done many times before.

I lay sobbing.

When he finally got off me I watched him leave before turning back to the still sleeping Ernessa.

Thank god she didn't have to see that scene again like she had many times before.

"I love you baby." Played over in my head as I curled up into a ball and sobbed until I had the strength to move again.


	20. Rituals

_Alex's P.O.V_

Everyday a new photo.

Yesterday's paper had a picture of Elliot, Olivia and I.

I knew soon the pictures would stop appearing and that soon the public would forget all about our missing hero.

Whenever I thought about her I'd always pick up the phone and dial Elliot's number but I'd never ring him.

At this point I think I was the only person he'd answer his phone for other than Cragen.

He was at my house almost every night now.

He'd taken to sleeping on my couch when he did sleep.

Sometimes I'd be awake when he came late at night and other times not.

I'd never see him leave though.

The only way I could tell that he was ever there was the fact that his blanket and pillow were always left rumpled on the couch.

Every morning I'd fold them up and place them neatly on the end of the couch.

It had become a ritual of ours.

Sometimes he'd leave notes on my bedside table for me and other times not.

At the moment I spent more time with him than with my boyfriend.

I think because I was her best friend that I was now the closest thing he had to her.

We both knew her so well but in different ways.

She was really the only thing we had in common anymore.

I still hadn't gone back to work.

I didn't see the point.

I wasn't allowed to work on her case because I was a part of it.

Technically Elliot wasn't even meant to be working it but no one had the heart to deny him.

We all knew he'd work till his death to find her.

He was a good man.

A hero just like her.

He'd find her.

I knew in my heart he'd find her.

The only thing I didn't know is if her heart would still be beating...


	21. Only in my dreams

_Elliot's P.O.V_

I walked up Alex's porch steps and plucked the spare key from her electrical box before unlocking the door and walking in to her clean, sweet smelling townhouse.

At one point she decided to leave the door unlocked for me but I told her that she couldn't put herself at risk like that.

White had hurt her once and I couldn't let him take her like he did Olivia.

All the lights were off so I gathered that she was already asleep.

I quietly hung my jacket on the rack and undid my tie before chucking it on the floor near the couch.

When I put my pillow on the couch I noticed a note from Alex stuck on my blanket.

_Dinner's in the microwave._

_Xox._

I walked into her pristine kitchen and turned on the lights before starting the microwave.

I ate before turning off all the lights and lying on Alex's couch.

I pulled a photo of Olivia from my pocket and stared at it.

She was smiling.

I'd taken it at my house as she was mixing our drinks.

I sighed before placing it on the table.

Whenever I closed my eyes I saw her beautiful face.

All I could hope now that that wasn't the only place I'd be seeing it for the rest of my life.


	22. Blindfold

_Olivia's P.O.V_

"Your coming with me." White grunted as he unlocked my chain.

I scampered to my feet and away from him.

"Come now Olivia don't be difficult. You can walk with me or be knocked out and carried."

My eyes darted over towards Ernessa who stood frightful in the corner not wanting to be left alone in such a place.

I hated to leave her but I couldn't risk not going.

I hesitantly stepped closer to White and so he walked over to me and turned my back to him before pulling out a blindfold and placing it over my eyes.

He twisted my arms behind my back and held them there before pushing me out of the room.

I heard Ernessa whisper something before the door closed but I couldn't make out what it was.

As we walked and walked I could feel his body against mine.

I was unaware of what was to come but then I heard another door open.

He shoved me forward and I fell to the hard floor with a thud.

I tore the blindfold from my eyes just in time to see him coming towards me.

With a sudden wack I hit my head hard on the floor and everything went dark.


	23. knowing

_Alex's P.O.V_

_Hours earlier..._

I lay in bed only thinking.

I think I heard Elliot open my door earlier this evening.

I rolled over to peer at my clock 4:34am.

I wondered if Elliot had already left.

Probably not.

Sometimes it was as though he was never even there.

It was like a dream.

This particular night I decided to get out of my warm bed to check on his sleeping form.

I tiptoed from my bedroom out down the stairs and across my living room floor.

Sure enough on my couch lay a sleeping Elliot.

I quietly walked towards him and pulled the blanket up him further.

It was then that I noticed the photo of Olivia on my coffee table.

My slender fingers went to pick it up when suddenly a large hand was on mine and the sound of a clicking gun against my ear.

"Elliot...It's just me." I whispered with a small hint of anxiety in my voice.

Elliot moved his hand from mine to turn on the lamp.

Once he saw me I could see the worry cross his face.

"Lex'." He said worriedly as he put the safety back on his gun and placed it on my coffee table.

"I...I thought you were White."

I gulped down my anxious tears and turned to him.

"Elliot." I whispered as I let my tears fall.

I couldn't believe he'd just pulled a gun on me in my own house.

I knew it wasn't his fault.

This was killing him.

He pulled me down into his embrace and we sat together on my couch.

"I'm so sorry Lex'. I...I didn't mean to scare you like that." He whispered in my ear.

"I...I know." I said wiping my tears and hugging him tight one last time before I sat next to him.

After moments of silence he finally spoke.

"I love her Alex."

"I know." I whispered.

"She loves you too."

He looked over at me his big blue eyes full of sadness.

"I'm going to find her." He choked.

"I know." I whispered.

It was then that we both heard his pager beeping.

"It's Cragen." He said as he looked down.

Elliot picked up his gun from the table and put it in my lap.

I gave him a 'What's this for look?'

"Just in case." He whispered as he kissed the crown of my head.

When he walked out the door I had no idea what was to come next.

All I knew was that I was sitting on my couch with my best friend's lover's gun in my lap staring at my door wondering if he'd ever been here at all.


	24. Waiting

_Elliot's P.O.V_

I walked into the precinct my eyes still filled with sleep and worry for both Alex and Olivia.

Nobody but Cragen and the guys where here.

"What have we got?"

"It's Olivia." Cragen whispered.

"What's he done to her?" I gulped.

"It's not what he's done to her. It's what he's going to do." Cragen said as he turned his computer to face me.

Inside a large pink box on the screen were the words:

'OLIVIA. LIVE SHOW.'

"Get someone to trace the address."

"We already tried and we got nothing."

"Every time it re-routed us to a different address." Fin added.

"Then what the FUCK are we supposed to do! Sit here and watch her get raped!"

"Stabler! We all know what she means to you but you better remember your place in the next five seconds or you're going home." Cragen barked.

Elliot's demeanour changed when he realised that he really wasn't helping the situation.

Now all they could do was wait.


	25. Broken

_Elliot's P.O.V_

It was almost time for the video.

Every tick the clock made made me jump.

We'd call in a tech to trace the video hoping that we could get a location but everyone was on edge because secretly in the back of our minds we all knew what was coming.

It loomed over us inevitably.

As the final moments drew near nobody looked anybody in the eyes.

Especially not mine.

They were all going to see the beautiful body only I was meant to see.

And he...he was going too...

My thoughts were interrupted by a static sound on Cragen's computer.

We all moved closer to the screen and waited for something anything.

Then it came.

A picture.

Cragen signalled for the tech to start tracing the signal before turning back to the screen.

We all stared into the computer screen to see Olivia tied to a bed crying.

Just the sight of her tears rattled us.

Then the screen split up into about ten different ones.

One of them was zoomed in on her face.

Her beautiful face with her chestnut hair splayed over it and her salty tears sliding down her cheeks.

None of us dared make a sound.

Olivia meant a little something to all of us.

To Cragen she was the daughter he never had.

To Munch and Fin their only little sister.

To me... the love of my life.

Then it came.

White.

He was smart though.

You couldn't see his face in any of the cameras.

He waltzed over to the bed and the moment Olivia noticed him she began to try and wiggle away and crouch herself up against the headboard.

We could all hear her whimpering and see her tears streaming faster.

White climbed on top of her and she began to scream.

I saw Fin writhe in the corner of my eye and I wanted to punch him.

He had no right to act like that when he was only watching the scene.

Olivia was in it, feeling it...

When I saw him take a knife from his pocket i gulped down hard.

It was getting harder to control my own emotions by the second.

When he lifted the knife to her soft flesh and traced it up her neck and cheek my heart thumped.

But then he cut the ropes from her wrists and legs.

Olivia flailed her arms and legs in an attempt to push him off her.

Watching her fight...I mean really fight was heartbreaking.

I wanted to kill White.

Then we saw White begin to undo his belt.

"Where is she!" Cragen bellowed at the tech.

"I'm not sure it's like the signal is coming from every wireless router in the city."

Next came Olivia's blood curdling screams.

My blood boiled and my heart ached.

Nobody not even me had ever seen Olivia Benson so scared, so upset, so vulnerable...so hurt.

She screamed and thrashed with all her might but then he was in her.

I felt hot tears come to my eyes.

She'd stopped screaming.

She'd stopped thrashing.

Now only crying.

Soft little whimpers.

I let one tear fall freely.

We watched in sad silence has he raped her before pulling out of her and doing up his pants.

"I think we got something!" Shouted the tech.

We all looked over to him.

"Well hurry because we're about to lose him!" Fin said worriedly.

"I'm going as fast as I can but this...this is bigger than I thought."

"We don't have time for that!" I said angrily.

"Wait I...I've got it!"

I looked back at Olivia's tear streaked face in the camera and mouthed 'I love you' only hoping that she knew.

Then I saw White just about to leave.

"He's leaving!" I shouted.

"Almost there..."

But then the computer screen went black.

We'd lost him.

Cragen tried to put a comforting hand on my shoulder but i shook it off before walking out his door.

On my way down the stairs I punched a hole into the plaster wall leaving my knuckles all bruised and bloody.

It was then that I finally decided the moment I found him I'd kill him with my bare hands.


	26. Dawning

_Alex's P.O.V_

I woke up to the sounds of smashing and crashing so I opened my bedside drawer and grabbed Elliot's gun before heading downstairs.

In the darkness I could see a figure smashing things by throwing them against my perfectly painted white walls.

Who dared to wake me up in the middle of the night and break all my things!

"Put your hands in the air where I can see them." I said steadily as I turned the safety off Elliot's gun.

I'd never used a gun before and I never really wanted to.

I flicked on the light with my free hand to see not only the destruction of my living room but a blood shot eyed Elliot Stabler.

"Elliot?" I whispered as I turned the safety back on and threw the gun on the floor by the staircase.

I stepped closer worriedly as I examined the holes that had been punched in my wall and the numerous expensive broken vases that littered my once pristine white plush living room carpet.

"What's going on?" I whispered as I stepped closer.

At first he tensed so I stopped moving in case he decided to throw a punch at me.

I wasn't afraid of Elliot.

I'd taken self defence classes with Olivia numerous times and I knew Elliot well enough to know that he wouldn't hurt me but he'd quite clearly become extremely stressed and had resorted to drinking.

I took one step closer and I watched a tear slide down his cheek.

I surveyed his bloodshot eyes, his untucked shirt, his split knuckles and his weakness.

He was heartbroken.

I decided to do the only thing I could.

I carefully avoided the broken china and glass on my carpet as I walked over to him.

Once there I stood in front of him as he looked down on me.

Then I hugged him.

I hugged Elliot Stabler.

I wrapped my arms around him and rubbed his back.

It would work on a 5 year old so why not him?

At first he tensed and just stood staring at me but then he hugged me back and he cried on my shoulder.

Yes Elliot Stabler cried.

I didn't ask what happened.

I didn't need to.

He'd tell me when he was ready.

Eventually he broke the hug.

"Thank you." He choked.

"No problem. Now come on. Let's get you cleaned up." I smiled as I took his hand and led him to the bathroom.

When we were in my clean tiled bathroom I began rummaging through my medicine cabinet.

"Sit there." I told him as I pointed to the edge of my bathtub.

He did as he was told and sat waiting for me.

Eventually I found everything I was looking for.

A facecloth, cotton balls, vodka, bandages and camomile balm.

I knelt on my knees in front of him as he once again stared down at me.

Darn him being so big!

I took the facecloth and wet it with warm water before wiping it softly over his stubble covered face.

When his face was clean and fresh I rubbed some camomile balm under his eyelids to take away some of the bags under his eyes.

Now he was beginning to relax.

"This is going to sting." I whispered.

When I took his hands and splashed some vodka over his fists he flinched the smallest barely noticeable flinch.

I looked up at him and laughed but still he didn't say a word.

I put some more vodka on some cotton balls before bandaging his fists.

"I think we're done." I said smiling as I got up and began to put the stuff away.

I could see Elliot get up and come towards me from the corner of my eye.

When I turned around he whispered a thank you.

I was just about to reply when his lips crashed against mine.

At first I thought I was imagining it but then it became real when I felt his tongue slide against my lips.

"Elliot." I growled into his mouth as I put my hands against his chest.

He continued.

"Elliot!" I yelled as I pushed him as hard as I could away so he stumbled back.

I watched the realisation of what he'd just done dawn in his eyes.

He watched me wipe my mouth before pressing his fingers to his.

"I'm sorry Alex." He said as he pushed past me out through my living room to my front door.

"Elliot!" I screamed after him.

"Elliot!"I caught up to him just as he put on his coat.

"I am so sorry Alex." He said as he pulled me to him and hugged me tight before letting me go and walking out my door.

"Elliot!" I screamed as he got into his car and drove off into the night.


	27. Kathy

**BLOOPERS LOL**

**(Elliot answers a knock at his door)**

**(Elliot see's Kathy)**

**(Kathy backhands him across the face)**

"**What the fuck was that for woman!"**

**(Kathy backhands him again and then again)**

"**The first because you kissed Alex. The second because you trashed her apartment and the third because you called me woman."**

"**Take that Stabler!"**

**(Elliot stands stunned in his doorway as he watches his ex-wife flip her hair sexily as she walks back to her car.)**

**I 3 you Sam!**

_Elliot's P.O.V_

I drove faster and faster through the night to the only place I knew would take me.

"Kathy." I sighed as she opened her door in her nightgown.

I was greeted by a slap to my face.

"That's for scaring Alex." She said angrily as she pointed at him.

Elliot nodded and made his 'I guess I deserved that look'.

"I'm assuming she called you?" Elliot said as he walked through the door.

"Yeah the minute you sped off. She called me and told me everything." Kathy said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"She said I should go easy on you."

"That would be nice." He laughed.

"The kids are upstairs. She told me you were coming to see them. Try not to wake them because they have school in the morning."

Alex knew him well he thought as he walked quietly up the stairs.

First he walked into Kathleen and Elizabeth's room.

He wiped the hair that had splayed onto their foreheads from their eyes and kiss the crown of their heads.

When he reached Dickie's room he took a look around at all the rocket ships and toy dinosaurs that splayed over his shelves.

He traced his fingers over them and then planted a kiss on his sons head.

When he reached Kathy's room where Eli lay sleeping peacefully he only stared down at him with pride.

He jumped when he felt Kathy's hand on his shoulder.

"You can sleep on the couch downstairs tonight just be gone when the kids are up. Come visit them on the weekend when you're feeling better."

Kathy kissed his cheek before sliding into her own bed.

No matter what he seemed to do there was always someone looking out for him.


	28. Rememberance is sweet

_Alex's P.O.V_

After Elliot had sped of last night I'd called Kathy.

I knew that's where he was going.

He wanted to see his kids.

Kathy texted me when he got there saying that he was o.k. and was going to sleep on her couch.

I wasn't mad at him.

I was mad at myself for not realising how vulnerable he was.

But what was I meant to do?

Let him continue to trash my apartment and hurt himself?

No.

I'm his friend and I'm meant to help him.

I grabbed a trash bag from underneath the sink before starting to pick up the numerous expensive broken vases and ornaments.

I then vacuumed my carpet to get rid of any small bits of glass and wall plaster.

There were 3 fist sized holes in my once pristine white wall.

I called some people to re plaster my wall and then I sat on my couch trying to absorb everything.

I'd already called Cragen and we'd exchanged information about what happened on both ends.

For the first time since Olivia's disappearance I picked up the paper from my porch only to see that her face wasn't anywhere in it.

Things were changing fast and I don't think anyone knew how to deal with it.

I sighed before walking up the stairs to my room.

On my bedside table sat to photo frames.

The first contained a photo of me when I was 10 with my 8 year old sister Karen who now had 3 children and a wonderful husband.

Behind us was my marine brother Blake who was 14 and my then 18 year old brother Olivier who I haven't seen in years.

The photo I was most interested in though was the 2nd frame which contained a photo of Olivia and I partying after we'd won a really hard case.

We were both so happy.

I felt hot tears come to my eyes when I thought about the fact that I may never see her again.

I angrily wiped them away.

Then I tensed feeling arm wrap around my waist.


	29. Forgiveness

_Elliot's P.O.V_

I was restless on Kathy's couch.

All I could think of was apologising to Alex and finding Olivia.

As I was deep in thought I saw the light streaming into the room from the fridge in the next room.

I could hear Eli giggling so I instantly knew it was Kathy.

I got up and took Eli from her before I began to feed him.

We both sat at the table together and Kathy stared at me appreciatively.

"Do you ever miss it?" She asked me suddenly.

I looked up into her eyes and for some reason I felt guilty.

"Of course. I still love you Kathy."

"I...I know but that's not what I meant."

"I mean being able to come home and see your kids every night after a hard day."

I didn't know where she was going with this but she was confusing me.

"I do but I couldn't drag it on any longer. They need a father who could be there for them to help with their homework, teach them things. And you need a husband who'd come home and be ready to talk about his day. With me you couldn't have that."

Kathy just sat.

She knew all this already.

"I'm sorry Elliot. I should have let you be with her sooner."

That remark took me off guard.

"Kathy none of this is your fault."

"I...I know. I also know how much you love her so go go find her." She said as she took a now sleeping Eli from my arms.

I smiled gratefully and kissed her cheek and Eli's head before getting back in my car.

...

When I got to Alex's house it was about 8:30.

I smoothed back what little hair I had and took a few deep breaths before stepping out of my car and walking up Alex's porch steps.

I took my key from the electrical box and quietly opened the door.

As I quietly shut the door and hung my coat on the hook I walked into her living room.

She'd already cleaned up the broken objects but my fist holes were still in the wall.

I can't believe I'd not only kissed her but ruined her house too.

I made a mental note to put money in her freezer sometime this week.

I checked the kitchen before walking upstairs and into her room.

She was standing by her bedside looking at a photo of her and Olivia.

I quietly walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist pulling her into a hug.

She tensed at first before realising it was me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"I know. It's o.k. really it is."

"Sure?"

"Yeah. As long as you can help me fix those holes in my wall." She laughed as she turned to face me.

I hugged her tight to my chest afraid that if I let her go she'd be snatched away.

"Sorry." I whispered again.

"It's o.k." she whispered back hugging me tighter.

I kissed the crown of her head lightly before releasing her.

She looked up at me with that classic Alex Cabot smile that said 'everything will be o.k.'

At that point I believed her.


	30. Sweet

I moved them both after Olivia's performance.

Now it was time to play house with Elliot's little girlfriend.

This would be perfect.

I could have a beautiful wife that will have dinner ready for me when I get home and give me whatever I so desire and I can have a daughter that will obey my every command.

Everything was finally falling into place and soon the big moment would happen and I would crush Elliot forever.

I'd get to break the impenetrable Elliot Stabler and kill the hard as nails Olivia Benson.

This would be sweet...


	31. Pleasuring

_Olivia's P.O.V_

I awoke to sun streaming through my blinds and so I groaned and rolled over to snuggle myself into Elliot's chest but upon the realisation that no-one was there I opened my eyes.

This wasn't my apartment.

Then I remembered it all.

Being snatched, beaten, raped, and held captive.

How could I forget?

I shook my head as a way to clear the fogginess or my mind.

What was White's twisted plan now?

I carefully got up and realised that I was in a red silk nightgown.

He'd dressed me.

It was sickening and strange all at the same time.

I was just about to walk out when I saw a note on the door.

_Dearest Olivia,_

_Your robe is in the cupboard._

_Feel free to come join us for breakfast when you're up._

_Love Richard._

Ernessa.

I quickly put on the robe and rushed downstairs.

When I got there Ernessa was sitting quietly at the table eating her breakfast and White was just across from her reading the paper.

I swiftly moved to Ernessa and put my hand on her shoulder as she looked up at me fearfully.

White looked up at me and smiled cheerily.

"Breakfast is waiting for you on the counter."

I decided to play along until I could figure out what was going on.

I walked over to the counter and began to pour myself a bowl of cereal as White's hands crept around my waist.

I became shaky holding the milk and so it spilled all over the counter.

"Why so tense baby doll?" He whispered as he lay kisses on my neck.

He laid them from my neck all the way down to my shoulder blade before kissing my cheek.

I just continued to shake in his arms.

"What are you waiting for? Clean it up!"

I didn't say I word but I found a sponge at the sink and began to wipe up what milk I'd spilled.

He just stood staring.

I could feel his eyes looking lustfully at my body covered by the short tight fitting robe.

Like a robot I gathered my cereal and sat down at the table next to Ernessa.

No one spoke throughout the meal not once.

White sat reading his paper every so often looking over at us.

Ernessa just kept her head down and ate.

When breakfast was finished White ordered me to do the dishes.

"Nessa, Olivia there are fresh clothes for you up in your rooms."

"Don't you dare call me Nessa." She threatened.

White's eyes went stony and I couldn't get there quick enough.

She was quickly slammed up against the wall with her arm twisted at a funny angle.

I watched the tears quickly slide down her cheeks a she whimpered.

"I can call you whatever the fuck I like because I'm your father."

I was trying to pull him off her but he stood like a rock.

"You will never be my father!" She screamed.

White went red with anger and I knew he was about to hurt her worse than what he already had so I did the only thing I could think of.

"Richard darling just ignore the little girl. Come on I'm going to have a shower if you'd like to join me." I whispered in his ear followed by a kiss to his cheek.

He released his grip on Ernessa and she slid to the floor.

"I'll be right up." I said seductively.

The minute he was out of sight I picked up Ernessa and put her on the couch.

"I'm so sorry Nessa. I'll do everything I can to make sure it doesn't happen again."

She nodded and I kissed her head.

"I'm going to go...deal with him. I'll fix your arm when I get back. Please just don't move."

I rushed off up the stairs.

When I reached the bathroom door I could feel the steam coming out from under it.

I felt tears come to my eyes as I couldn't believe what I was doing.

It was the only thing I knew would make him let her go.

I slowly opened the bathroom door to see White standing amongst the steam in his boxers.

From the minute I walked in I could see him getting harder and I had to fight the urge not to cry.

I could do this.

I could act.

I could take whatever he was going to do to me because if I didn't she would.

I slowly stepped forward leaving only a small amount of space between us.

He panted like a dog as I let the robe slide from my shoulders to my feet with ease.

He pulled me closer to his body and began to kiss my neck again.

As he worked his way down he took my nightgown with him leaving me naked and in his presence.

Those were the 2 things that I really didn't want to be.

We stood for a matter of seconds before he scowled at me.

"Well what are you waiting for!"

I went to step into the shower but he roughly grabbed my arm.

"Olivia." He growled.

Then I understood.

I kept his eye contact as I began to remove his boxers.

I forced myself to touch him.

To grab his hand and lead him under the water.

I let him wash me, touch me, fuck me...

By the end of that shower I felt even dirtier than when I'd gotten in.

When he got out and left me there I just stood.

I turned the heat up to a scalding temperature and cried as I tried to wash him away.

In that shower I wasn't sure If I'd ever be clean again.


	32. Trapped

I dried myself watching the water droplets slide down my body.  
I gazed at the fingerprint bruises that lay on my hips and thighs.

They looked so purple against my olive skin.

I wanted Elliot.

I wanted him to hold me, tell me he loved me.

When I was dry I found some clothes in the drawer next to the bed.

As I was buttoning my shirt I heard White open the bedroom door and I almost started shaking.

My fingers quickly fumbled to do up the buttons as he walked closer to me.

"There's some plaster in the bathroom. I'm going to work."

Plaster?

Nessa's arm was broken.

Bastard.

I only nodded which made him take my hips and turn me around.

He crushed his lips to mine before shoving me back.

"I'll be back later. Be a good girl now."

I supported myself with the dresser as I watched him leave.

When I heard a door slam I ran downstairs where Nessa was still lying on the couch a little shaky.

"Are you o.k.? I'm so sorry." I kissed her head and pulled her into a hug.

"He broke my arm. A...and he..." She choked as her tears fell onto my shirt.

"What baby? What?"

"He...he warned me about escaping. He said that it's nothing but fields for miles."

With that I released her and ran to the nearest window.

They were barred and sure enough I couldn't see anything but endless fields and hills.

I ran to the door and tried to open it but it was locked from the outside.

We were completely trapped.

"It'll be o.k." I whispered to myself.

I ran upstairs and rifled through the bathroom for the plaster.

As I filled a bowel with hot water I began to apply the plaster to Nessa's arm.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

I looked up at her with tears in my eyes.

"Don't be sorry love it wasn't your fault."

"But I provoked him. I should have just let him call me Nessa."

I lifted her chin with my fingers so that her eyes would look at mine.

"Never...EVER let him do anything you're not comfortable with. If he ever says anything or does anything to you that makes you uncomfortable you come get me o.k. and I'll fix it."

She angrily wiped away her tears and gave me another hug.

"I'm sorry you got dragged into this Nessa." I said as I finished plastering her arm.

"It's o.k. I guess...I miss my mother but at least you don't have to be alone..."

Such a big heart for such a young girl.

I'd truly grown an attachment with her and she really felt like family.

...

That afternoon as I tried to best think of a way out Nessa and I coloured in her cast.

It was a good distraction for her and was keeping my tears at bay over what happened this morning.

I felt so...dirty.

So ashamed.

I could only hope Elliot would still love me as much as when I left.

I just wanted him to hold me and tell me everything would be o.k.

I just wanted to tell him how much I loved him and that I'd made my decision.

I wanted to move in with him.

He'd asked me a few weeks before this all happened.

Now when faced with the fact that I may never see him again I realised how much I did love him and wanted to be with him.

I wanted the family that he'd always wanted.

I wanted to go live in Brooklyn.

Buy a house, get a dog.

Have a life other than the precinct.

I'd always wanted kids.

Grandkids even.

With Elliot I could have that life...

I just needed to get out of here.


	33. Feeling lost?

_Alex's P.O.V_

My house was fixed.

Not like it mattered.

Olivia was still missing.

There were still no leads.

I kicked myself inside everyday for not being able to warn her that he was coming, for not being able to tell her to run, for convincing Elliot she'd be safer with me.

When I told Elliot this he told me over and over it wasn't my fault.

I knew he meant it but I still felt guilty.

It's funny.

Through our best friends disappearance we'd become best friends ourselves.

Maybe they're right.

Grief does bring people together.

In losing Olivia I'd begun to lean on Elliot.

He really was a true friend and I can only hope that if when Olivia is found that we'll still be close.

After all we've now I don't think I could let him go.

My boyfriend broke up with me.

He couldn't handle the stress.

For some reason it didn't make me hurt too much.

In fact I think what hurt most was losing Lily.

Am I losing my ability to feel because of this?

I don't know anything anymore.


	34. Blocking it out

_Elliot's P.O.V_

I'm lost without her.

Every moment I'm awake I spend looking for her.

When I'm asleep all I do is dream about her.

Alex is all I have now.

Kathy calls almost every day to see if I'm o.k. but I always say I'm fine.

After 20 years of marriage and 5 children she knows I'm lying but I don't care.

I don't want the kids to see their father like this.

Never.

But Alex.

She's always there.

When I need her and when I don't.

I can only hope that when this is all over she doesn't go back to being just a work colleague.

She's my best friend now.

Grief brings people together.

I've learnt that now.

I've also learnt that sometimes it would be better if I couldn't feel anything at all.

I'm sick of feeling things like anger, sadness, grief and loss.

I just want to block it all out.


	35. Home

_Olivia's P.O.V_

In the morning he wakes up and forces me to shower with him.

I've never felt so dirty.

No matter how much scalding water I use his smell doesn't come off my skin.

In the day he works.

He leave's Nessa and I to fend for ourselves.

I spend my days distracting her with simple activities and bracing myself for what is to come during the night.

When he gets home dinner must be on the table nice and hot.

I then send Nessa into another room when he starts to get...close.

I spend the nights pleasuring him until he falls asleep on me.

I can't move.

I don't think I'd dare to either.

I lay there to afraid that he'll wake up and take me again.

Some nights he does.

At this point I spend half my time wishing I was dead.

I wish I couldn't feel.

But I can.

Every caress, every touch, every humiliation, every insult and every word.

They sting me like salt sprinkled on a fresh cut.

Just when I think I can take no more he continues to humiliate me.

Every night bringing me new ways to hate myself.

All I want is a gentle touch.

Someone to tell me I'm not worthless or weak.

Someone to tell me they love me and not make me sick.

I want a night where I don't cry myself to sleep.

A night where I can lay in Elliot's arms.

A night where I can kiss him and fall asleep as he whispers sweet nothings in my ear.

I want to go home.


	36. Shattered heart

_Olivia's P.O.V_

"Nessa?"

I walked the corridors searching for her but not one whisper did I hear.

I was getting worried.

I couldn't find White either.

"Nessa!"

I turned to the sound of steady footfall.

"Nessa. You scared me! Where were you?" I asked as I pulled her into a hug and smoothed back her hair.

"Sorry."

I loosened my grip and she backed away.

It was almost time to take the cast off her arm.

From what I could gather it'd been about 2 weeks maybe longer.

It was hard to remember things here.

There were no calendars or clocks.

The only way to tell time was by watching the sun but it was never very accurate for me.

We had routines that defined our day.

They'd turned into times that's why it was often concerning when Nessa went off somewhere.

I often found now that difference scared me.

I was so used to the same thing I was too afraid for change.

"So?"

"I wasn't anywhere just in the bathroom." She shrugged her shoulders and walked off.

...

"Olivia? Darling I'm home."

Every time he called me with such adoration it made me want to crawl into the ground.

Elliot used to call me those things when we lay in bed together, when he got home, whenever we were together...

"I...I'm in here." I stuttered.

I heard him enter the kitchen as the water in the sink swirled down the drain.

I just stayed standing with my knuckles turning white with the force of which I was holding the edge of the sink.

I dared not move in case he didn't want me too.

"Olivia." He said flatly.

'Was that an order?'

"Y...yes."

"Turn around. Face me. You have nothing to be afraid of. I love you."

I could hear his footsteps getting closer.

I slowly turned to face him but my eyes stayed on the ground.

"You don't love me...if you did you'd let me go." I whispered.

He was over in a flash with his lips so close to my ear I could feel the spittle bounce off his lips.

"What did you say?"

I didn't realise I was shaking until I had to steady myself.

He began to play with my hair.

He smoothed it through his fingers and smelt it as he waited for a reply.

"I...I said you don't love me."

This came out as a barely audible whisper.

His fist smashed against the bench.

I jumped and felt a small tear slide down my cheek.

"Dammit Olivia! You just don't get it do you?"

He grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me close while shaking me.

I refused to look him in the eye so eventually he released me and shoved me into the cabinets causing glass to shake and rattle.

"You think Stabler loved you! I've given you everything he never could. Don't you see that? I gave you the daughter you always wanted, the perfect house, beautiful clothes. I gave you a family! But no Stabler already had a family. He had Kathy and 5 kids! He doesn't need you! He's just using you! I've given you everything Olivia and all I ask in return is that you fulfil your wifely duties."

My tears were free falling now.

"He does love me!" I screamed at him.

He only laughed.

"Then why isn't he here? Huh? Tell me that Olivia why isn't he here to take you home?" he whispered the last sentence as he walked towards me.

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.

I didn't know.

"He...He's coming I know he is..."

"How Olivia? Face it he's gone back to Kathy. You'll never be as good as Kathy Olivia. You've known it all along on the inside."

"You're wrong..." I croak.

"Elliot would never leave me."

"I have proof."

For the first time I look up to him and he see's my tear streaked face.

He doesn't look pleased he looks sympathetic but I know better.

"Then show me." I say flatly.

White pulls some paper out of his bag before waiting for me to come closer.

"Here he is going in. Here he is in her room and here he is leaving the next morning."

I snatch the photos from him and flip through them about 10 times.

"He wouldn't..." I whisper to myself.

"But he did. You've seen the proof Olivia. He doesn't love you. He loves her."

He placed his hands on my shoulders and caressed them with his thumbs.

I tensed.

"No."

"What?"

"No!"

I threw the photos into the sink and pounded on White's chest.

He just pulled me to him and held me.

I cried in his arms.

He smoothed back my hair and kissed my head.

The only thing that was running through my mind was:

Where's Elliot when I need him?

...

That night he raped me again.

But something changed.

I didn't think of Elliot.

I didn't think of him touching me instead of white and for the first time since White had taken me I didn't dream of him rescuing me.

He wasn't coming.

He didn't love me.


	37. Need

_Alex's P.O.V_

"Alex...Alex..."

I groaned and rolled over desperate to get some sleep.

"Alex...It's me."

Upon recognising the voice I rolled back over and went to sit up but a hand on my shoulder kept me down.

"Elliot...What's wrong?"

He let a little sigh escape his lips before sitting down on the bed.

He ran a hand through my fringe and smiled at me.

"Nothing. I just wanted to say thank you." He whispered.

I could feel tears already welling in my eyes.

We were the only thing each other had left.

I felt the weight shift on the bed as he was getting up so I took his hand.

He turned back to me and I could see it in his eyes too.

The need.

"Stay." I whispered.

For a moment he just stood staring at me.

Finally he moved back towards me.

He once more brushed the fringe from my face and tucked it behind my ear.

Then with gentle warmth he placed a kiss on the crown of my head and pulled the covers up on me further.

For a moment I still thought he was going to go back to the couch but he did sit down.

In the same place as before.

I could feel his warmth from my knee's up to my hips.

He sat there stroking my arm watching over me as my eyes slowly fluttered closed.

The last time I saw him look at me I smiled weakly at him and whispered a 'thank you'.

When I awoke in the morning he's fallen asleep sitting up with his hand on my forearm.

I carefully slid from his grip and lay him down on my bed.

He needed the sleep.

I would wake him later.


	38. Urges

_Alex's P.O.V_

I wandered down to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee for Elliot when my phone rang.

I almost thought I was imagining it because my phone almost never rang anymore unless it was Elliot.

Knowing for a fact that he was still upstairs snoring like a baby I took a look at the caller I.D.

Cragen.

"Don. What's happened?" I asked instantly shaky.

For a few moments there was no reply.

"Don?" I whispered.

"If you're feeling up to it I'd like you to come down to the precinct."

"I'll be there in 15."

With that he hung up the phone.

I just stood in my kitchen unable to move.

Suddenly I felt like crying so I steadied myself on the bench and stifled a few weak cries before drying my eyes and walking back upstairs to my room.

Elliot was still fast asleep on my bed.

Realising he was still fully clothed I took off his shoes, socks, tie and jacket.

I folded them neatly on the empty side of the bed before opening my closet.

I picked out a white shirt with a creamy coloured cardigan and simple light blue jeans.

I quickly changed and put on my boots before brushing my hair and putting on a light covering of makeup.

When I looked at myself in the mirror for a split second I saw Alex Cabot.

Fearless A.D.A for Manhattan sex crimes.

Then it was gone.

I was back to being Alex Cabot.

The girl whose life is falling so far out of her control she doesn't even want to wake up in the morning.

I took a crumpled piece of paper and a pen out of my bedside draw before writing a note to Elliot and hailing a cab.

**...**

When the cab pulled to a stop out the front of the precinct I took a deep breath before taking my handbag and stepping unsteadily out of the cab.

I hastily walked up the steps for fear that if I took the elevator I would be stuck with people asking me questions.

When I reached the top of the stairs I took one more deep breath to calm my nerves before opening the door and proceeding to walk to the door.

The minute I was seen in the doorway everyone looked up.

Apparently I was the spectacle now.

Fin almost walked over to me but i shot him a glare and he stayed where he was.

Munch saw it too and backed off.

I looked over to Cragen's office to see him open the door.

I gave him a small nod as he motioned me into his office.

The heels on my boots clacked against the hard floor as I entered his office.

He shut the door behind me and offered me a seat.

I sat and placed my bag at my feet.

The next few minutes passed in silence as I could feel Cragen staring at my back.

"What's going on Don?" I finally managed to ask.

He finally stopped staring and walked around to the other side of his desk and took a seat.

As he walked past me he lightly caressed my shoulder.

"I just wanted to see how you were holding up Alex."

"Hasn't Elliot been keeping you up to date?"

"Not really. He comes here and works himself to death even after I tell him to go home. He doesn't talk just works on nothing. We have nothing on White. I'm sorry Alex."

"I know."

"So are you o.k. Alex?"

I sighed.

"As good as I can be."

"I know you've been looking after him. Kathy called me the other day and told me he was staying with you and that she says thank you. She would have called you but your number came up blocked on her phone."

"Hm." Was all I managed.

"We all miss her Alex and we're all trying our hardest to find her."

"I know."

"We will find her."

"I really must be going so if there's nothing else I think I'll head home." I said quickly as I jumped from my seat and picked up my bag.

Cragen didn't even have time to say a word before I was already closing his door.

As I wondered back through the precinct I stopped at Elliot's desk.

It was covered in files that I assumed he was trying to turn into leads.

There were also 3 photo's.

One of him and Eli, another of Kathy, the other children and himself.

Lastly was a photo of Olivia and him a few years back.

They both looked so happy.

Then I turned my head to Olivia's desk which was now gathering dust.

Her work phone had been disconnected and all her files locked away in her draws.

Her pictures had also been locked away.

I knew for a fact that only a week before she was taken there had been one of her and myself sitting on that desk.

It was the same one I kept hung in my living room.

I couldn't resist the urge to touch the place where it once sat so I did.

I placed my fingertips lightly against the dust which quickly attached itself to my skin.

When I felt a hand on my shoulder I quickly snatched mine away and saw the mark I'd left.

Fin was standing behind me giving me that look that told me he'd done that too.

I gave him a nod reassuring him I was o.k before heading out of the precinct and back to my townhouse.


	39. Stay

_Elliot's P.O.V_

I rolled over to see the alarm clock flashing.

10:00am.

On top of the clock was a very neat handwritten note.

_Elliot,_

_I've gone out._

_Shouldn't be long._

_Coffee's in the pot._

_Alex._

I placed the note back on the clock before rubbing my eyes.

I fell asleep with Alex last night.

She must have taken off my shoes and jacket because they were on the other side of the bed.

When I decided it was time to get up I walked lazily into Alex's on suite to shower.

As the water pounded against my body I thought of Olivia.

It'd been almost 5 months since she was taken.

People were starting to think she was dead but I knew better.

She's a fighter.

She would never give in to White.

As I turned off the taps I just stood and wiped my eyes as steam swirled around my body.

I found a clean, crisp towel and wrapped it around my body before heading downstairs and making myself a cup of coffee.

After about 15 minutes I heard the key turning in Alex's door.

I put down the coffee and walked forward to open the door for her.

When I swung it open smiling she jumped.

"JESUS ELLIOT!"

I laughed at the expression on her face before stepping aside and letting her in.

"I thought you were still in bed!"she scowled.

"I only got up 20 minutes ago." I say as she puts her handbag down in the middle of the table.

I watch her as she walks over to the cupboards and pulls out a mug.

After she fills it with coffee she realises I'm staring at her.

"What?" She asks suspiciously.

"Where were you?"

"The precinct." She states blankly.

I go to run upstairs and get my things but a delicate hand on my arm makes me look back.

"They don't have anything. Stay. You need to rest. We both do."

I can see her eyes pleading with me to calm down and stay with her.

She hates being alone now.

I reach a hand up to her forehead and tuck the loose strands behind her ear.

A small smile slowly plasters its way across her face which gives me one too.

"I'll stay." I whisper.

When she finally steps back I walk up to her room to get dressed.

Today I don't tuck in my shirt or wear my tie.

I'm not going to work today.

Alex and I are going to go out for lunch.


	40. Understanding love

_Alex's P.O.V_

Elliot decided that we'd go out for lunch.

After hours of driving he finally managed to make up his mind.

So at 3:00 we strode into the pasteria and took a table by the window.

I almost said thankyou but I realised that if I said it we would both remember why we were there.

I just wanted to be able to enjoy lunch without constantly being on edge.

We were both handed a menu so the next few moments were silent as we picked.

"I'll take the roast tomato and avocado carbonara. No mushrooms please."I smiled at the waiter who dutifully took down my order before looking over at Elliot.

Realising that he was struggling with what to pick I decided to order for him.

"He'll take the beef ravioli with a light drizzling of red antipasto. Oh and we'll also take a basket of bread." I smiled.

Elliot looked up at me stifling a laugh.

"You were taking too long." I whispered.

"That's the Alex Cabot I know. Always in control." He smiled.

"Shame I don't feel much like Alex Cabot anymore..."

There was silence.

Now we were both thinking of Olivia.

"Alex. Don't worry I'm not just going to leave you and go back to work." He caressed the top side of my hand gaining a smile.

Minutes later our bread was delivered and Elliot began munching happily.

"If you eat all that bread not only will you be full of even more carbs than what we are about to consume but you'll be to full to eat your pasta."

He looked up at me smirking before taking a bigger bite than before.

"Suit yourself." I laughed.

When the pasta arrived I began stabbing the little swirls onto my fork accompanied by some avocado.

Elliot just sat staring at his food.

"Do you even like pasta?"

"Not particularly."

I sat my fork on the edge of my bowl.

"I'm sorry Elliot. I didn't even ask you. We can go somewhere else." I said panicky trying to flag down the waiter.

Elliot took my wrist and lowered it down to the table.

"Calm down Alex."

"But..."

"It looks delicious. We're going to stay because I wanted to take you out to lunch. You've been looking after me since I couldn't do it myself and you never held what happened that night against me..."

A small amount of blush crept onto his cheeks.

"You've become my best friend Alex. I don't want this to end. I think we both really need a friend right now. So eat your pasta, relax, I'll eat mine and then we'll go back to your house and watch a movie."

I took a deep breath and squeezed his hand.

"Thank you."

"No problem now eat up."

**...**

We walked into my house at about 6:00.

I threw my bag on the floor just as Elliot did with his jacket.

Within a matter of minutes we were both flopped down on my couch.

"So Miss Cabot. What would you like to watch?"

I pretended to consider my answer for a second.

"How about...I am Sam." I smiled gleefully.

I am Sam was one of my all time favourite movies.

I'd always seen myself as Rita Harrison with less...issues.

Elliot was about to say no when I flashed my winning smile.

In the end he put it on and went to head upstairs.

"Aren't you going to watch it with me?"

He glanced back down at me.

"I'll be back in a few minutes."

While he was gone I watched the previews and by the time I hit play on the menu Elliot was about to sit down beside me.

In his arms were some pillows from my bed and a blanket from my cupboard.

He'd changed into some sweats and an NYPD T-shirt.

As he sat down beside me he draped the warm blanket over me and placed a soft pillow under my head.

"Would you like me to look away while you get changed?"

I shook my head before sitting up and shedding my creamy outer layer.

I then slipped off my jeans and folded them neatly with my other clothes.

For a moment he just sat staring at me sitting there in my black shirt and underwear.

"Aren't you worried after the other night?"

"You wouldn't cheat on Olivia." I stated as I curled back up under the covers.

For the next few minutes all you could hear was the movie.

"I'm sorry...about the other night."

"I know." I whispered.

"Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"

I sighed before sitting back up and swivelling to face him.

"Yes because you love her. You could never feel the same love for me Elliot. You don't need to be afraid. You only think you love me but you don't. You just need someone to be there for you. So that's what I'm doing."

For a moment he looked shocked.

"I do love you Alex."

I went to tell him that he doesn't but he shooshed me.

"I love you Alex with all my heart but you're right. Not like I love Olivia. I love you like my best friend. Like someone who I could always turn to like I am now. But Olivia...I love her more...you know?"

"Of course I do Elliot. That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"When I kissed you the other night it's because I was so grateful and you were there and I knew you cared and..."

He sighed.

"And what?" I urged him.

"You reminded me of her." He whispered.

They were words I'd never expected to hear.

I admired Olivia.

She was the woman I aspired to be and he was telling me I reminded him of her.

"You were so strong even though you were upset yourself. You put me before yourself just like she does. In you I see the same strength and kindness I see in her."

I could feel a warm salty tear slide down my cheek.

He wiped it away with his thumb and pulled my head towards him.

He planted a soft kiss on the crown of my head before slowly pushing my back down on the couch.

When he tucked me in I had a big goofy smile on my face.

"I love you too Elliot." I whispered.

"You're going to make someone very happy someday Alex."

Those were the words I fell asleep too.

I could only wish that it was me taken instead of Olivia.


	41. Blood

_Olivia's P.O.V_

Ernessa had been disappearing more and more.

Each time I tried to find her White would demand something from me.

I thought about Elliot less and less nowadays.

No doubt he'd already gone back to Kathy.

White was right.

He only used me for his own selfish needs.

Every time I thought about him I felt almost as dirty as I do with White.

I can't believe I fell for him...

**...**

"Olivia?"

I turned from the stove to see Ernessa standing in the kitchen doorway.

"Are you o.k. Nessa?"

"Come with me..."

For a moment I only stood.

When I heard a bump against the wall I rushed after her.

She was standing bellow a wooden ladder.

"Coming?"

I didn't say anything just climbed up the ladder after her.

When we reached the top she turned on a lamp.

We were in the roof.

Ernessa walked over to an old radio and started flipping switches.

"What's that?" I asked walking towards her and crouching down with her.

"It's a radio. At the moment I've only programmed it to go one way but..."

"Wait you what!"

"I uh fixed this old radio I found up here a while ago and I played with it and added things I found up here until I managed to get onto the police radio."

"Nessa! You're a genius!"

"I'm not just a ballet student Liv'."

I gave her a smile.

"As I said it's not done. Right now we can only hear what their saying. They can't hear us."

"How long do you think it will take to change that?"

bShe considered her answer for a moment.

"At least another day but I'll need you to buy me some time."

I knew what she was asking.

I also knew how much it hurt her to ask.

"We'll get out of here." I whispered as I pulled her into my arms and stroked her hair.

"Olivia!"

I quickly jumped away from Ernessa and scurried down the ladder.

I rushed to the lounge room to meet White as Ernessa was hiding the ladder.

"Olivia. Where were you?" White asked sternly.

"Oh I was just in the bathroom."

He looked at me suspiciously but was distracted by the hand I was tracing on his chest.

"Well well aren't we in a playful mood today?"

He slid his hand around my waist and the other to the back of my head.

He pulled my lips to his and they crushed together.

As I felt his tongue slide against my lips I tried to pull away.

He pushed me back against the wall forcing me to feel him.

I resisted the urge to wretch as I felt his tongue in my mouth.

My nails dug into his chest trying to get him off me.

He only enjoyed it more.

He roughly started to tear open my shirt so I struggled more under his grip.

He started to trail kisses from my mouth all the way down my chest.

I whimpered as my bra was undone and fell to the floor.

As one hand caressed my breast the other snaked down my pants.

I let out a struggled scream when he pulled out a knife.

He held it to my throat and pressed it hard.

"Shut up and go to the bedroom."

When I didn't move he pressed the knife harder.

When he saw a tear slide down my cheek he pulled the knife back so I could move.

"Now."

I walked up the stairs towards the bedroom.

I couldn't see Ernessa anywhere.

I breathed a small sigh of relief hoping she was still up in the roof.

When I got to the door I stopped.

So he pushed me.

I tripped and landed on the bed.

In seconds he was on top of me, holding me down.

I screamed.

He pulled off my jeans as I struggled beneath him.

When he pulled out the knife again I was silent.

He traced it along my cheek and down in-between my breasts.

He slid it under my underwear and cut it off.

He leant close to my face so that I could feel his breath.

I tried to turn away but he used his other hand to grab my face.

"Are you ready for me?" He whispered.

I spat in his face.

"Bitch!"

He thrust the knife inside me.

I screamed in pain.

He twisted it inside me laughing.

Every movement I made only hurt me more.

The last thing I saw before I blacked out was Ernessa's watery eyes as she stood in the doorway of the bedroom watching.

God save us both.


	42. Awoken

_Alex's P.O.V_

I awoke to my door rattling.

At first I thought I was imagining it but then it happened again.

I slid off the couch and away from Elliot's firm grasp.

I tiptoed my way to the front door and looked through the peep hole.

I couldn't see anything but a dim lit street.

I slid the chain lock at the top of the door and slowly stuck my head out.

The cold breeze put Goosebumps on my bare legs.

I looked around the street then down at my feet.

There was a box on my porch.

I picked it up and hurried back inside.

It was addressed to me.

Once I re-locked the door I tore open the box.

It just as quickly fell to the floor.


	43. Lead

_Elliot's P.O.V_

I awoke to a blood wrenching scream.

I bolted upright and screamed Alex's name.

No reply.

I found her crying in the house entryway.

I rushed to her and gathered her in my arms.

"Alex! Alex honey what's wrong?"

She pointed in front of her over by the floor.

When I released her she just sat whimpering.

In a box on the floor was a bloody knife.

I looked over at a whimpering Alex and rushed to her trying to check where she was bleeding but she was whispering something over and over again.

"It's not my blood!" She suddenly screamed.

We both looked over at the box and I understood.

I only held Alex tighter.

"Alex honey. I'm going to go call Cragen."

I quickly grabbed my phone and a coat for Alex from her room before running back to her.

"Alex put on your coat you're coming with me."

I helped her stand up on shaky feet and put on her coat before I called the captain.

"Cragen." He mumbled groggily.

"Cap' it's Elliot. I...I'm with Alex. We need you all at her house. Melinda too."

Cragen didn't ask questions just said he was on his way.

When I hung up Alex wasn't with me.

"Alex!"

"I...I'm here."

I took her in my arms again and held her tight against me.

I could feel her tears wetting my shirt.

Before we knew it her house was swarming with cops.

Cragen was talking to Alex on her couch.

She was constantly trying to keep herself covered as she was still in her underwear.

I was standing in the kitchen watching Melinda examine the knife.

"Elliot."

I wandered over to her.

"I'm going to take this back to the lab. Look after Alex."

I shook her hand before she left.

I walked over to Cragen and Alex.

"Warner's gone to run through the knife."

"Terrific. Alex and yourself are coming with me."

"Cap'..."

"No buts."

With that Cragen left the house.

"Alex honey?"

She looked up at me teary eyed.

"She's dead isn't she."

"W...we don't know that Alex. Liv' she's a fighter."

"I know." She whispered.

Just as I was going to sit down with her she stood up and headed for the door.

"You're driving." She said as she chucked me the keys.

"Wouldn't you like to get dressed?"

No reply.


	44. Found

_Alex's P.O.V_

When we reached the precinct I tied my jacket as tight as I could.

I stuck close to Elliot fearing that if I didn't he'd be taken from me.

He sat down at his desk while I stood.

Fin saw me standing and offered me a seat.

Olivia's seat.

I stood in stunned silence.

I couldn't sit there.

Not without her.

Fin realised and apologised before offering me his seat.

I stood.

It took 4 hours for Melinda to show up at the precinct.

It was bad news.

I knew.

She walked up to Cragen's office without so much as a nod of recognition.

Within the next 5 Cragen was motioning for us to join them.

Elliot took my hand and led me in.

Cragen shut the door and closed the blinds when we got inside.

"What'd you find Doc'?" Elliot asked in a whisper.

"The blood was Olivia's. I also found vaginal cells through it..."

I couldn't hold it.

I wretched into Cragen's bin as he held back my hair.

Elliot only stood.

This didn't last long.

Fin barged in.

"Someone's seen White!"


	45. Loss

_Elliot's P.O.V_

"Where! Tell me now!"

"The pier. In uniform. Down by the Hudson."

"O.k. let's go." I said as I grabbed my jacket.

I was just heading out the door with Fin and Cragen on my tail when I felt a hand on my arm.

"Elliot."

"Alex stay here. I want you safe." I said as I put my hands on her shoulders and pushed her back.

Alex stumbled back a bit.

"Munch you watch her."

When Munch went to put a hand on her shoulder she glared at him defiantly.

"I swear to god you touch me and there'll be a scene."

He snatched his hand away as she glared back at me.

"There is NO way I'm staying here Stabler."

"Alex..."

"No. Don't Alex me. I'm not a civilian. I know how to protect myself."

"But you're not a cop either!" I shouted at her.

"I never said I was Elliot but you know me."

I walked towards her and pulled her into my arms.

"I've already lost one person I loved. I don't need to lose another." I whispered in her ear as I stroked her hair.

"Elliot. Please..."

I stood conflicted.

I didn't want to put her in danger but I didn't want to refuse her either.

She just stood the angry look gone from her face.

Now the true Alex Cabot was revealed.

Strong, fearless, compassionate...stubborn.

Her face was that of a broken down woman who would do anything to get to the person she loved.

"For Christs sake Alex get in the car."

She rushed after us barefoot in nothing but a jacket, t-shirt and her underwear.

**...**

"O.k. Elliot. I need you to keep your emotions in check. Don't shoot him. If you do he may never tell us where she is and we can't risk it."

As much as I wanted to kill the bastard even more after the results about the knife I knew what he was saying so I nodded.

"Now Alex you are to stay in the car with the phone in case anything happens."

Alex's mouth dropped open in protest but Cragen shut her up.

"It's too dangerous. You shouldn't even be here."

"But..."

"No buts Alexandra."

Alex just scowled.

"Now Fin you'll go with Elliot and I to get White."

Fin nodded before looking back at Alex.

He handed her a phone as we pulled up at the pier.

Cragen and Fin got out before me.

I reached back as I was getting out and took her hand.

"We'll get him Alex. I'll bring her home."

**...**

The 3 of us manoeuvred our way around the shipping crates until Fin motioned us over having seen White.

He was alone.

Lifting crates onto a truck.

"3...2...1."

We drew our guns and pointed them at him slowly moving closer.

"White! Put your hands in the air!" I shouted.

He looked up and smiled.

The nerve.

We moved closer and closer to him.

"I said hands in the air!"

He laughed.

We stood behind some crates about 10 metres away from him.

"I'm assuming dear Alex got my package earlier?"

I could feel the anger boiling inside me.

"You bastard! You raped her!"

Fin put a hand on my shoulder scared that I'd shoot him but I wouldn't.

"Rape? Never. She enjoyed it Stabler. She screamed for me. She doesn't love you. She never did." He laughed.

"You're wrong."

"He's trying to get inside your head Elliot. Don't listen to him." Cragen whispered.

I took a deep breath.

"Where is she?"

"Olivia? That's for me to know."

"Tell me where she is!"

"Woah calm down Elliot. I know you've got a temper but if you ever want to see her again you'd better remember I'm the one in control."

"How's that so White? We're the ones with guns."

"Yes true but I'm the one with your dearest Olivia. Aren't we just going round in circles now detective?"

We were.

"Now I hate to cut this short but I have a wife to gte back to Detectives."

He ran.

We all aimed shots but missed.

We were chasing him through the cargo holds when we heard a scream.

"Alex."


	46. Hit

_Alex's P.O.V_

I sat in the sedan playing with the phone in my hands.

I couldn't hear a thing.

Elliot's last words to me played over in my head.

"_We'll get him Alex. I'll bring her home."_

I couldn't believe he left me here.

I couldn't believe his _we_ didn't include me.

_I'll bring her home _.

I couldn't take it.

I pulled Elliot's old gun out of my coat pocket before opening the door.

As I slid out of the sedan I looked around the shipping crates.

Maybe I could corner White if I went the other way?

I couldn't see or hear any of them.

As I manoeuvred my way around the shipping crates I began to hear Elliot's voice.

If only I could hear what he was saying.

I fell to the ground after tripping over a steel pipe.

Just as quickly as I fell I jumped to my feet and looked back the way I came.

That's when he grabbed me.

I screamed.

"Shut up!" He whispered as he dragged me towards the pier.

"Where is she?" I choked.

He had one arm wrapped firmly around my neck and the other was holding Elliot's gun to my head.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does! Where is she! I know what you did to her..."

"I'll do the same to you if you don't shut up." He said in a harsh whisper.

He pressed the gun harder to my head as I shivered.

"Alex!"

That was Elliot's voice.

"Elliot!" I screamed back.

White backed further up the pier.

Out from the shipping crates Elliot came running with Fin and Cragen not far behind.

When he reached the bottom of the pier I felt White press the gun harder into my skull causing me to let a slight whimper escape.

"I told you to stay in the car!" Elliot mouthed to me before his eyes shifted to the gun against my head.

"Let her go White. You're already in deep enough!" Cragen tried to reason with him.

"You can't be in deep if you hold the power." He sneered.

He was right.

"Put the gun down White and let her go. She doesn't need to be more caught up in this. It's me you want." Elliot reasoned further.

"I think I'll keep her detective. But thanks." He smiled.

"We will shoot you." Elliot bluffed.

"You won't. If you shoot I can guarantee that this gun will send a bullet through her head before the other even hits me. Not only would she be dead but you'd never get your precious Olivia back."

Olivia's name rolled off his tongue so easily it made me sick.

"You wouldn't shoot me White." I whispered.

"Perhaps not. Why waste such a beautiful specimen..." He leered.

His hand moved from my throat down to my coat tie.

With one pull it was undone.

As his hand wandered over my chest I started shaking uncontrollably.

"Woah. White let her go!" Elliot said his voice shaky.

"Why miss out on the fun detective? I could do to her what I did to your precious Olivia."

"Don't touch me."

"Now now Alexandra nothing to be afraid of. I'll be gentle..."

His rough hand wandered under my shirt.

Elliot went to take a step closer but was stopped by White moving closer to the water.

"Stay where you are detective."

"Please don't hurt her..." He whispered.

I could feel the tears already welling in my eyes as I saw the desperation on his face.

"Finally the true feelings are revealed hey detective? "

"Please White. You can take me just let her go."

Elliot threw his gun on the ground and headed towards us.

Whites hand slipped out from under my shirt.

It moved to my forearm as he leaned his head into my neck.

He whispered words into my ear that could just save her life.

However mine was not so certain.

Elliot could read the expression on his face.

Fin and Cragen fired shots.

One hit.

He got away.

I fell into the Hudson.


	47. Hurt

_Olivia's P.O.V_

Darkness.

It enveloped me here in this small and dirty room.

The bed soaked in my blood smelled of rusty iron now as the blood had been drying.

I didn't dare move for anything.

I could still feel Ernessa's eyes burning into me from yesterday.

It was like she looked right through me and back again stopping right at my heart.

She saw my pain maybe even felt it.

She heard my screams and sobs, the shaking bed.

She saw the blood and knife that White held so tightly in his hand inside of me.

She saw it rip through my flesh as he laughed.

I hadn't seen her since but no doubt she'd been standing there again.

I couldn't face her now.

Not anyone ever.

I was destroyed, broken, lost...

For the first time I looked down at what he'd done to me.

I hadn't moved since he was on top of me.

Looking down there was so much blood all in various stages of drying.

It stuck to my inside and my legs.

I reached my hand down to touch it but I snatched my hand away as soon as I did.

It was like a burning fire.

All I could do was cry.

**...**

When my door creaked open I shifted my eyes to see Ernessa standing there.

"Liv'?"

I couldn't say anything to her.

"Liv'. Please..."

She slowly walked over to me looking over my mutilated body.

She saw the cuts and bruises she hadn't seen before and I could tell she was trying not to cry.

When she got to my face she knelt down and stroked my hair as I had done to her so many times before.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

When she disappeared I thought she'd left me but she came back with warm soapy water, towels and a cloth.

She dipped the cloth in the water and wrung it out.

For a moment she just sat pleading with me through her eyes to let her do this.

I let her.

She wiped it smoothly along my face and down my neck.

Over and between the valley of my breasts with such tender care.

Each time she looked up to make sure she wasn't hurting me.

When she got to my lower abdomen I grabbed her wrist.

I shook my head.

She couldn't.

"Let me help you up..." She whispered.

I nodded.

She helped me sit up.

I put my arm on her shoulder and we tried to stand.

I collapsed back on the bed as I started to bleed again.

She was now splattered with my blood but she wouldn't give up.

When we tried again I almost stumbled to the ground but she caught me.

With each tiny step I whimpered trying to hold the tears back all the while she whispered sweet encouragements in my ears.

When we got to the bathroom she sat me in the tub.

"This will hurt."

I nodded.

I wanted it to.

I _needed _it to hurt, to wash everything he had ever done to me away.

She turned on the water.

"Leave." I whispered.

She still stood.

"Leave!" I screamed at her.

She ran from the room and slammed the door.

She'd made the water warm but I turned up the hot.

Scalding my whole body.

My cuts and bruises burned as the blood washed away.

I screamed as my knuckles went white holding the side of the tub.

Between my legs slowly became visible.

I looked like a monster.

I could hear Ernessa crying outside the door as she heard my screams and cries but she didn't dare come in.

My nails dug into the skin of my arms so hard they bled.

The water in the tub was staining its pristine whiteness with my thick blood.

As I drained the water from the tub for the first time in a while I thought of Elliot.

Would he ever find me?

Does he even care?

Would he ever love me again...?


	48. Breathless

_Elliot's P.O.V_

"Alex!"

I watched the blood start to soak her shirt as she fell into the Hudson.

Both Cragen and Fin dropped their guns and ran after her behind me.

I jumped into the water letting it freeze me.

I couldn't see anything through the cloudy water but then her hand.

There it was.

Her soft alabaster skin so bright through the cloudiness.

I reached out for it but I was too far away.

I swam deeper until I reached her.

I was running out of breath and she didn't have any.

I grabbed her by the waist and fought my way back to the surface.

Spluttering for breath I swam to the pier as Fin helped me pull her out of the water.

The blood was dripping out of her upper abdomen.

"Alex! Alex honey please... don't leave me now..." I pled.

Fin kept a hand on the bullet wound to try and stop the blood flow as Cragen called a bus.

I looked down at her shut eyelids and lolling head wondering if I'd ever get to see her beautiful cerulean eyes again.

I started pumping my hands against her chest and giving her mouth to mouth but nothing.

"Alex! Come on baby don't die on me! You can make it!"

My tears flowed freely onto her chest.

When I leaned back from her mouth she spluttered.

"Thank god." I whispered.

Her head leant to the side as she coughed up the water.

"I told you to stay in the car." I whispered as I smoothed back her hair.

"Don't tell me you actually thought that I'd take orders from you Stabler." She smiled at me.

"Bus is on its way!" Cragen shouted back at me.

"Elliot..." She whispered.

"Yeah?"

She pulled me closer to her.

"You need to leave me."

"Alex..."

"No. Leave. Brooklyn warehouses. Number 203. You have to hours. Bring her home..." She choked.

"White..." I whispered to myself.

I leant down and kissed the crown of her head.

"Be strong."

She smiled as I walked off.

"Elliot where the hell are you going!" Cragen shouted after me.

"To save Liv'!"


	49. Forever mine

_Olivia's P.O.V_

"Where is she!"

White.

I couldn't run or hide.

I could barely walk.

I could hear Ernessa screaming at him.

Then nothing at all.

White barged in with a sheet in his hands.

His clothes covered in blood.

Looking behind him I could see Ernessa sinking to the ground.

"No..." I whispered.

"Get up." He ordered.

"I can't." I choked between my cries.

He sighed and walked over to me.

He lifted me up by the waist as I tried to escape from his grasp.

"Olivia! Stop it!" He growled.

"You killed her you bastard!" I screamed into his face.

None the less he wrapped me up in the sheet and carried me out.

I looked back at the now dead Ernessa.

He'd slit her throat.

Her blank eyes stared back at me.

I would never forget her.

She was the only thing that kept me alive when I was with him.

She would forever be a part of me.

Forever mine.

That's what I was thinking as White put me in the car and chloroformed me.

_Forever a part of me..._

_Forever mine..._


	50. 203

_Elliot's P.O.V_

I shoved my gun into its holster and was about to leave when my phone rang.

It was Kathy.

I considered not answering it but I couldn't bring myself to do that.

"Elliot." She said frantic.

"Yes Kathy."

"Cragen called and said Alex was shot and that you left to go find Olivia. What's going on?"

"I'm going to bring her home Kathy."

I was about to ahng up but she stopped me.

"Elliot...When we were married did you ever..."

"We've been through this Kathy." I said impatient.

"Elliot I need to know."

"No Kathy we didn't. I thought about it but she said no. She wouldn't do that to you. I never touched her when we were married. She cared about you just as I still did...as I still do. Now Kathy please..."

"Bring her home." She said sobbily through the phone.

"I will."

With that I hung up.

**...**

I pulled up outside the old Brooklyn warehouses.

No one was around so I crawled through the fence.

It took me 10 minutes to find 203.

Olivia was in there.

The minute I pulled my gun from its holster I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head.

Then the gravel hit my face as I fell to the ground.


	51. Rescue

_Elliot's P.O.V_

I woke up groggy and disoriented.

It was only when I realised that I was tied to a chair that I remembered what happened.

"Olivia!" I screamed into the darkness.

The moment I did the lights turned on.

White was across the room.

He was standing behind Olivia.

She had her hands tied behind her back and was on her knees with her head to the ground.

She either didn't hear me or couldn't say anything.

Either way she didn't even look at me.

She had fingerprint bruises on her arms, waist and thighs accompanied by some other bruises around her breasts and ribs.

"Liv'..." I whispered.

I could see the blood between her legs that had dripped down her thighs.

That bastard raped her with that knife and by god he was going to pay.

"White let her go!" I screamed at him.

He only laughed at me before grabbing Olivia's hair and yanking her head upwards.

She had tape over her mouth and a large purple bruise on her face.

Her chocolate eyes could hardly look at me.

She was too ashamed.

"I love you Olivia!"

White ripped the tape off her mouth to reveal a bloody lip before dropping her head again.

"Elliot." She said in a barely audible whisper.

"Yes baby I'm here."

"I don't want you here!" She screamed.

I was taken back.

"What?" I whispered.

"You never came! You went back to Kathy! You never loved me! You only used me!" She screamed.

White just stood smiling.

"You bastard what have you told her!"

"The truth. You went back to Kathy's for the night didn't you?"

I remembered.

He must have seen me the night I kissed Alex.

"I never slept with her! I love Olivia!"

"I never told her that you slept with you ex-wife detective that was all her insinuation." He laughed.

Olivia looked up at him angry.

"You worthless prick. I told you he loved me!" She spat.

He took her hair again and pulled her up with it causing her to scream in pain.

"Let her go!"

He dropped her to the floor with a thud.

I fought the urge to cry burning tears.

"Olivia I love you. I never stopped loving you. While you were gone I...I kissed Alex but..."

She looked up at me her eyes burning with a mixture of anger, sadness and betrayal.

"But I don't love her like I love you. I thought I might but I was wrong. All she did in the 5 months you were gone was look after me and make sure I stayed strong for you. We were both broken and she pushed me away. I never did it to hurt you I did it because she reminded me of you. But you Olivia...you're beautiful, amazing, strong...my one and only. Please forgive me. I love you with all my heart."

Her eyes softened.

"I love you too."

"Oh how sweet." White mocked.

"Let her go!"

He ignored me.

He pulled a knife from his pocket and walked over to Olivia.

"No!" I screamed as she cowered away.

White grabbed her throat forcing her to look at him.

I could see how scared she was.

He traced the knife up her neck and across her cheek until he came to her hair.

He cut some off.

Her beautiful chestnut locks fell to the floor ragged piece by ragged piece.

"Still think she's beautiful detective?" He asked as He held her face up to show me.

He beautiful hair had been hacked off at all different lengths.

"Yes. Always."

A very weak smile played on her lips.

She was in so much pain but trying to be strong just as I.

White scowled.

"How about now!" He yelled.

He held her shoulder and cut an X onto her breast as she screamed in pain letting her tears fall to the ground.

"Stop!" I screamed at him but he was too enraged to care now.

"Still think she's beautiful!" He raged.

He picked up a bat from the ground and started swinging at her as I screamed for him to stop.

She screamed every time it hit her tender olive skin.

Bruises began to form on her back, stomach and thighs.

Then it came.

The sound I'd been praying for since I got here.

The gun shot.

Cragen, Fin and the backup were here.

The bullet hit White in the chest.

He dropped the bat and fell on to Olivia's naked and battered body.

She yelped and began to sob uncontrollably as he bled out on top of her.

Cragen rushed to me to get me out of the chair.

The minute I could move I ran to Olivia and pushed Cragen away so I could get to her.

I rolled White off her and pulled her into me.

"I'm sorry sweetie. He can't hurt you now or ever again. I love you. I never stopped loving you. I WILL never stop loving you. You are beautiful..." I whispered into her ear as I stroked her cut and mattered hair.

"Elliot there's a bus waiting outside for her. It'll take you straight to mercy. Go. Now!"

I lifted her into my arms and carried her swiftly to the waiting medics.

When I got in and shut the doors I knew White was dead.

There was no way he would have survived that shot.

I was glad.

He deserved to die.


	52. Death is not the end

_White's P.O.V_

The minute the bullet hit my chest I knew I only had seconds to live.

As I dropped the bat and fell to the floor.

My last moments I spent on top of her feeling her beautiful olive skin.

I'd won.

Just as i said I would.

Death was not defeat.

In fact death was far from it.

I'd rather die than see the inside of a prison cell again.

I'm dying knowing that she can never forget me.

None of them will.

Dear Elliot will remember watching this for the rest of his life, at night he will dream about it and feel like the worthlessness he is.

Precious Alex will always remember me by the bullet wound on her abdomen.

Her lovers will see it and cringe.

Then last but not least Olivia.

She will never be able to forget me.

She'll dream about me for the rest of her life.

Covered in the scars I gave her she will never be beautiful again.

Every time she looks in the mirror she'll see what I did to her.

I will be forever there in the back of her mind.

I won.

That's all that matters.


	53. Prognosis

_Elliot's P.O.V_

I was forced to stay in the waiting room when Olivia was taken from the ambulance.

I'd suffered a concussion so I wasn't aloud to sleep but who would think of sleep at a time like this.

Alex had suffered a bullet wound to the top of her abdomen resulting in a broken rib.

Apart from that just some bruises around her neck and on her temple.

When I told her we'd found Olivia she cried and begged to see her but like me she couldn't.

We were now both anxiously awaiting for the doctor to come so when he did I was on my feet and standing by him in seconds.

"Is she o.k.?"

"We had to do skin grafts around her womb and cervix as well as the labia and vaginal tube due to mutilation.. She has severe vaginal bruising as well as large bruises on her thighs, back and stomach. We stitched up a cut on her breast and a small one on her lip. She's slightly malnourished and has a vitamin D deficiency from lack of sunlight."

"Is she going to make it?" I asked shakily.

"Mentally maybe never but she's a strong girl detective physically it'll take some time but she'll pull through."

That was my girl always fighting.

Nothing could keep her down.


	54. Battle

_Elliot's P.O.V_

5 years later...

We were married in October.

6 months after that day in the hospital.

Within 4 of those months her hair had grown back.  
Now 5 years on we are happily married, living in a new house in the suburbs.

After we were married Alex offered to be the surrogate mother for our first child.

Olivia cried for she could no longer bear any of her own.

None the less we agreed.

So in August the next year we were blessed with our beautiful now 3 year old daughter.

Her name is Battle.

Battle Ernessa Benson-Stabler.

She's beautiful, happy, so amazing every time I hold her it brings tears to my eyes.

She looks just like Olivia with her wavy chestnut tresses, chocolate eyes and gorgeous smile.

Alex is her godmother.

We are all still best friends and so much more.

September last year she started dating a guy.

They are still together and he treats her like the princess she is.

They're expecting twins.

Olivia is happy.

She still has nightmares, insists of having Ernessa's picture on her bedside and still says that she's not beautiful.

Everytime she says this I kiss every one of her scars and tell her she's the most beautiful girl in the world.

I tell her they are battle scars.

I tell her that I didn't care that you could see the X scar at our wedding.

I tell her I love her, I love Battle.

I tell her that they are my world.

That they will always be my world.

Because it's true.

We have our ups and downs.

She still cries, I still hold her.

Life goes on.

She's a fighter.

A saint.

My angel.

My love.

My Olivia.

**A/N**

**So it's officially finished.**

**I loved writing it.**

**Sometimes when writing certain scenes I cried.**

**It made me feel so many emotions.**

**When writing I tried to make you feel them to.**

**Please review this for one last time and tell me your favourite scenes and what they made you feel.**


End file.
